Rescue Journal

it is weird how i am starting to think about death

Carol  ·  Jun. 8, 2007

not in general terms but specifically to animals. people tell me horrible friend told me when she was in napal there was a dog tied in the village square and being stoned to death for killing chickens, the dog was obviously starving according to my friend. i get contacted almost daily about dogs and cats under threat of euth, here in our area, and from desperate people all thru the states who send out mass emails trying to stop a dog from being gassed in an archaic US high kill shelter. i try not to look at their pictures anymore. someone told me today that they saw a cow floating dead in the fraser river, swept down from the flooding in the north. that made me mad because there was plenty of warning for everyone along the flood risk areas to move their animals to safety, apparently someone forgot.

i cannot handle horrifying deaths. animals alone and afraid and bereft of any kind of comfort or familiarity. animals in a shelter who wait day after day, afraid and unhappy in their last days on earth. but i am starting to develop a bit of a hard heart to the calls of beloved family pets who for one reason or another are going to be euth'd by their loving families if we can't make room. part of me thinks that at least these animals will die at the hands of those who say they love them and they won't know if this is true or not, they just know that they trust and have faith in their humans and they are not abandoned alone to die in fear.

is an untimely death the same no matter what, if it is in fear or in a pipe dream of fairy tale love? i am thinking it is different. is not part of a life well lived and ended prematurely better than a unhappy and fearful one that is stolen at the end too? but then i look at nicole's saint sandy, and i think, thank god her family agreed to send her to rescue.

maybe i am just struggling to find some balance or a sense of non-responsibilty for some of the unhappy choices that are put before me to make.

all i know is i cannot save them all but what i would give if i could.

it is a very sad world out there for all of us, but the animals almost always pay the biggest price.

sigh, new incoming, one that i probably should have said no to based on my new wierd musings about death, oh well, he can come here the little toad...a small but large-ish multiple biting supposed shitz from a care facility which i am willing to bet is really a lhasa cuz those guys bite ALOT! i don't know why i said he could come here, i guess cuz i know what happens to little biting beasts if they don't.