Someone wrote a comment on here not too long ago, that there was no politics here, no anger...this is not really true...well it is kind of, but not always.
politics stops at our gate and anger is not welcome here ever. i get angry sometimes but i have to contain it and get rid of it as fast as i can...hence sometimes this blog. but negative energy is bad for the animals, they feel it and it makes them uncomfortable and i don't like that so i either turn it into something funny or i turn it into something sad depending on how i happen to be on any given day. sometimes i think they like sad best because i get really soft and i touch them more and i see them better, and they really like that. but they like funny too because that is fun and exciting and happy and they like that too.
keeping politics out of here is harder because politics is simply unmet human needs. sometimes mine, sometimes someone elses and almost always the someone elses belong to people not even remotely associated with saints. but their unmet human needs still affect us if they happen to be using saints to try to meet those needs.
i have always said that rescue is the nastiest and meanest enterprize known to man. it is highly competitive, judgemental, and it is full of people who love animals but don't respect or like humans all that well. it is full of passion and varying levels of knowledge and insight. and it is full of really bad moods and really poor manners.
just because someone doesn't come here, and only calls here when they need something does not stop them from negatively affecting us and esp. me. i hear the rumours and the judgements and the almighty statements and who says them and i do draw my own conclusions about those people from the things i hear them say. and that perpetuates the feelings of disrespect and distrust that i sometimes find clouding my own view of the rescue world. thank gawd i work in nursing to change my perspective back to reality every day.
this week was a week that i described as feeling like i was drowning in the toilet of crappy occurences. i feel like i am in a vortex of other peoples issues and other peoples problems and other peoples ignorance. someone once said in justification of their bad behavior while trashing someone else, that where there is smoke there is fire. well not always, sometimes smoke is not smoke at all except in a hysteric and negative thinker...sometimes smoke can be the cool mist in the early morning or the fog as it settles in for the night or even a cloud blanketing a mountain for a brief moment or two and sometimes smoke only exists in the brain of an over reactive imagination like spritely's unborn foal appeared in mine.
the people who come here and work for these animals love it. it is clean, it is well managed, our very sick and sometimes dying animals are eating pizza, and toddering thru the fields, and shoving us and each other over in their joyful excitement to say hello. some of our animals go from here into wonderful, caring and accepting homes who are not afraid of incontinence, and are not afraid of health issues, and are not afraid to stand by them through the last part of their life's journey. some of them never find that kind of courage and compassion and so they stay here and die in our arms with our tears upon them. and every single one of the animals here, are here because the other rescues or shelters were too full or unable to commit to the issues that we freely accept and live with every single moment of every single day.
so this week i have been tied up in knots of anxiety and hurt because of other peoples issues, and i cannot do anything except weather the storms of other peoples problems. and i woke up last night at 2 am with a vision of this giant sand vortex, swirling in high speed around me with me standing in the silent and utterly still center and feeling trapped an unable to escape. and i realized that the peaceful center was saints.
oh well, i guess i will just stay here and wait for it all to go away. i didn't have anywhere else i wanted to be anyway. maybe i can use the time to work on my own issues that i probably should be addressing....or maybe i will just go play with the dogs or the pig, that is more fun anyway.