Somethings just move you to your very bones. Somethings just slice into you and leave you feeling haunted. Somethings should just never be a part of a good persons life. like the loss of everything you know.
Norton and Radar are here. Norton is an old, old basset. He is sweet and trying really hard to make sense of where he is. Radar, at this moment is a possibly dead dog, i can't say dead dog walking, because he cannot get up to his feet. he is blind and deaf and demented, his back end is gone and he cannot stand up. he is reactive and in agony and biting if anyone even thinks to go near where he hurts.
i did not ask their mom, what has happened and she did not once bemoan her fate. all i know is that i saw a woman who loved her dogs and could not care for them anymore. i suspect that she was homeless, the dogs plentiful blankets and beds are dripping wet. she now has a place to stay with a friend, but the dogs could not go too. not once did she complain about what i told her, that she could not visit them and was no longer responsible for their care. i told her that Radar might not be able to stay here and if i couldn't get his pain controlled quickly, i would have no choice but to let him go. not once did she argue or try to negotiate different options, she just accepted what i said and was grateful that the dogs could be here.
i spent the day regretting my decision that they could come. thank god i am a an utterly spineless fool and let them come anyway. these dogs would not have lasted an hour in a pound. they both have bite histories related to pain, and both of them are far too old to find a home unless a miracle dropped out of the sky.
and interestingly enough, for once it is not the dogs who have moved me beyond where i want to go...it was their mom whose sadness broke into my soul.