Rescue Journal

struggles for people who love their dogs

Carol  ·  Aug. 16, 2007

imagine losing the dog that you loved as a child. not to death but to the decisions of others. i lost a few when the adults around me decided for whatever reason, the dog(s) had to go. i lost a few as a very young adult as my husband made life so difficult that i let them go to get him off my back.

i got a note from santana, bill was her best friend for nearly 10 years, she is so sad that he is gone. i got a note from vanessa regarding ben. she is stuck between a rock and a hard place because ben can't fit in here and right now, he can't come home either. oh, i so remember those feelings of helplessness.

sigh. i am the last person to give advice here. i was a victim of my deep love and others wants and needs before, and so were my dogs. and look where i am now, trapped in a life of forever making it right because i didn't protect them in the past. i do protect them now.

now when i make the decisions for them, even the decisions i don't like (duke,angel, bear, and emmit....maybe phoebe at some point with her de-barking)...the decisions are based on what i think has to be done and what i think is right and i can live easier with that if i have to. anyway.... one thing that i learned. do whatever you have to do in life because it is what you want to do, because you think it is right, not because others influence you.

and never, never sell yourself short because hearts like ours do not grow on trees. so when you finally settle for what you want in life and the life you want to live...make absolutely sure that all the peices fit together so you can be who you are and you do fit together well inside and the ones you love see that and love that wholeness of you too. i have captained so many different ships over my life, daughter, mother, wife, nurse and animal rescuer. i finally learned that i do make the choices of how i want to do these things or if i don't want to do them at all. and i am responsible. the buck always stops here.

my parents loved me, but somehow i fragmented and i think it was because i learned that true love doesn't exist. or maybe my definition of true love is all wrong, because i think the person who truly loves me, loves me like i love my dogs... every single hurt, every single joy of theirs is mine. and that is what i won't settle for without anymore. and that is one of the things that the dogs taught me. they have been my very best teachers in life.

don't end up like me, paying it all back is hard, best to get it right in the first place.