Rescue Journal

the night before a really bad day

Carol · Sept 7, 2007

sigh, i can tell that people are upset with clyde. they are trying not to be, but they are. everyone loves michael, our much beloved and most ancient troll, and it hurts them to think that he was so badly abused.

i don't know if i can explain this so that clyde doesn't become the bad dog that no one likes here, but i am going to give it a shot.

i try to give every consideration to the dogs as much as i would to humans. they aren't human, and my considerations for them encompass this, including that they have different rules. if their heads are messed up at any given point, even those rules go out the window. i know this and i accept this part of caring for another species, it makes it easier to love them all...even the ones that are harder to love.

clyde scared michael, badly. michael has scared his share of others too. clyde at least had a scrambled brain excuse, michael however did not. michael was just was another grumpy old dog.

i am afraid that clyde's emotional wellbeing is in trouble right now. he did something really bad and he hurt someone we all love and who is so soon to pass away. and clyde did all that before he became known and accepted and cherished here. the difficult dogs always have a difficult time fully becoming saints. part of it is due to their difficult issues, part of it is due to their segregation from everyone else and the resulting lack of opportunity for everyone to get to know them. and because not everyone has had a chance to be with clyde and really feel him digging around inside them, it makes it even harder to bond with him when something really bad is hanging over his shoulder....like messing with our most precious troll.

with time, phoebe dug herself in to people and she is an utter bag to the little ones (altho no one has seen her real haggy self at it's worst except me), and potato ed had a fan club too and he was a horror to everyone that he met.

i hope people can forgive clyde and take some time to get to know and love him too. he really is a very sweet and sensitive and funny little guy when he is not being a jerk.

on to other things....

i am fully comfortable with the passing of both tom and michael tomorrow, both of them have stopped eating and neither had more than a bite of pizza tonight too. i think they are ready.

ruby, i am still struggling with because it is her lack of attachment that is causing me trouble. she is old...18. is she not attaching because she is just too old to care and is quite content to sleep and eat the good stuff around here and simply is not interested in more or is she not attaching because she is sad and just wants to be done? she looks pathetic, and she walks pathetically with that old broken leg. but i honestly, don't think she is in pain (she gets good drugs) and i don't think she feels all together very ill either. she sure enjoyed her first pizza night, she eats like a horse, she pees and poops like a trooper too.

i think i will leave it to the vet to guide me on what to do about ruby cuz i just can't find that answer inside me for her. i think i can't find it because i can't hear ruby, ruby does not speak to me. she doesn't want to.

the little crippled duck ( i still have not settled on a name but i am thinking about "tiny tim") goes in for his vet check tomorrow morning. i think they won't be able to fix that foot (maybe the leg, but not the foot) but i guess i will have to wait and see.

i let percy and jeanette down into the lower pasture today. jeanette asked me to let them go down there so i did (this is why it is good to speak to me, cuz then i know what they want). they didn't come back up with the other barn guys at bedtime so i left them out til they decided to come up too. when i went back to check on them, percy and jeanette were laying together with their foreheads touching. and finally i saw that they really like each other and are glad to have each other too.

that was my one really nice thing from today.

Comments

Deb

Carol

i will tell you what puts clyde at huge risk...i have swept up a 5 gallon bucket of dry dog food three times today...if he doesn't quit dumping out the food to play big fun noisy soccor with the stainless steel bucket, i just might have to kill him.

Rae

Clyde is one complicated little freight train. I wish I had some history to give you Carol but you actually have a better picture of him than I did.

Deb

"Why the rage?" is the question. But does it really matter why? Dogs do things for pretty simple reasons, generally they are instinctual, situational or as the result of some past trauma. Why is Clyde attacking other dogs? Does it matter why? Can the assumption be made that something major and extreme happened to this dog at some point in his life that has made him into this creature who routinely flies off the handle?

We know why MacKenzie is aggressive. It changes nothing. We love her, we understand her, and we do what is necessary to keep everyone around her safe. That often means that Kenzie's quality of life is not what I want for her. It also means that I have to come to terms with methods of dealing with MacKenzie (sedatives, muzzling, segregation) that I detest. Nobody really knows how much I hate muzzling my beautiful brown eyed girl, especially when she gives me that "Why Mama?" look. I don't hate Mac, but I hate what she is capable of doing. I hate the fact that she was beaten with a 2" X 4", kicked, starved and kept at the end of a four foot chain when she was less than six months old. I hate that a normal puppy was made into a fearful resource guarder. I don't hate my dog, I love my dog. Screwed up scrambled freak that she is, she's still a mama's girl who makes me laugh. And cry.

Andrea

I am Maureen's daughter Andrea...Jeanette was my 4-H calf. I am glad to read that she is doing well after her fall. She is a sweetheart and I am happy that she is in the care of someone who thinks as much of her as we do. I considered bringing her up to Prince George but thought the trip would be too hard on her, and I am realizing that the vet care up here is awful. If you don't have a horse they would rather not help you at all...and Jeanette certainly needs to be near a good vet. Thanks for the updates...I read your blog daily...it often makes me cry. It is a wonderful thing you do for all of those animals. Thank you for taking such good care of Jeanette and all of the others....

Carol

ok...lets be honest here...i am sure he did mean it and i think given half a chance, he might do it again. once he started fighting with max through the dog room door, he just would not give it up and was back at there every chance he got.... now that max is gone, he just went looking else where to let it out.

and once he gets a stupid thought into his head,it is hard to dislodge it.
i think michael became the easy victim of his pent up rage because he is not right and he knows it and it frustrates him, and even more so yesterday when he was so messed up from his seizures and the medications to stop them.

still, i am hoping we can eventually get rid of or re-channel some of that frustration. it is hard to know tho when his epilepsy is so out of control how much is the disease and how much is just clyde. brains are such complicated things.

Bridget&Lynn

we know clyde a little. we saw him when he was first at SAINTs, when he was sneakily fed a few goldfish crackers (since it was the only thing he was willing to stick his nose out of his carrier for- for just us humans, forget it!) but when i started giving rainbow a huge catlap fuss, he started coming out and sneakily getting a pet here and there. it made me know that he WAS nervous, but did want, and need attention.

we know he's a good boy at heart. and, first of all, we know he didn't mean it, carol.

~HUGS~ we'll be thinking of you, tom, and michael tomorrow.

Chris T

I was going to say exactly what Deb said. I used to get mad at Kenzie because it was usually my babies who got attacked. But I see things very differently now. Now, we work at problem solving the situation to keep everyone as safe as possible and hope to meet as many of Kenzie's needs as possible.

Mackenzie was kicked in the head, one too many times, by her previous owners all before she was 6 months old. She was left out in the rain, the thunder and the fireworks and she is afraid. None of this is her fault.

Deb

My MacKenzie is not a nice dog.

I love her so much it hurts, and I'll do anything and everything I can to make her happy, keep her safe and comfortable, but in reality, I have to be more concerned with the safety of other dogs when Kenzie is unleashed and unmuzzled. She is a resource guarder, and I am her main resource, and she will attack other dogs if she feels they are coming between her and me. She'll also guard food and toys.

It's not Mac's fault that she is screwed up, it was solely human cruelty that scrambled her brain, but the fact remains, she's a danger to other dogs.

We all love MacKenzie, but sometimes it is very difficult. She has injured other dogs we love, and it takes a fine balance of medication, segregation and exercise to keep everyone safe.

Not all dogs are easy to love. Clyde is no more responsible for hurting Michael than Kenzie has been of injuring other dogs. Sometimes humans have to make a conscious effort to remember that dogs are dogs and do not have the same thought processes, motives or emotional reactions that humans do. This is not something Clyde "did" to hurt his human supporters, or even Michael. Clyde is not a bad dog, he's just a damaged dog.