i set my alarm early for 6 am so i could have an hour of quiet holding tom in my arms before today started. all i could think about was tom not in my bed cuz he only got kicked out for part of one night the other day and was back in there by that night. his last night was a good night and he didn't lose control of his bladder or his bowels altho once i lifted him out of bed to put him on the dog bed on the floor, he got me. but i didn't mind. donna came early this morning and brought chicken for tom and michael. she held tom in her arms right up til it was time for him to go and then i took him back. i am pretty sure that tom died with a peice of chicken in his mouth, he would be happy about that.
at 7 am, i switched over to michael and gave him a really good bed bath, he had lost control of his bladder during the night. he seemed to enjoy it and stretched out his legs so i could wash those too. i carried him outside but he didn't want to be there so i carried him back in to his clean fresh bed. nicole came early too and she laid on the floor with him for most of the morning. when the vet came he relaxed well into his pre med and i do not think he was afraid.
the loss of tom and michael and jazz and romeo and panda and pops and jesse and bill, all in such a short period of time is hard. all of them long term saints except tom but tom became a solid saint the day he walked into here. eleven saints gone is just a couple of months.
today i am saddend not just for their loss but for the changing face of saints. not that it is better or worse, but it is different here without them.
ruby is still with us. the vet didn't know what to advise. she was honest that she does euth before i do but she also said she is quite comfortable with not euth'ing ruby yet. so ruby is here and i will watch her and decide later cuz i just did not want to do it today.
the crippled little duckling has a name. it is dave. i will use some of the other great names suggested for some of the others. he is dave for a couple of reasons...david and goliaith cuz david slew that giant...and dave our vet cuz if he can fix him, he is our newest hero. the plan is to take dave into the vet on wednsday, they will sedate him and try to re-break and re-set his femur without a surgical incision. if at any point it looks like we just made things worse for the little guy, they are to euth him before he wakes up.
i am tired today. i feel like crying while i write and can feel my eyes welling up and my throat tightening.
this day is a bad day but i wasn't alone. mo and nicole and tammy and donna and lynn and heidi all came to share parts of it too.
and that made it good.