Rescue Journal

i would like to go to bed

Carol  ·  May 22, 2008

but i am waiting to do alfie's last feeding. and i suppose i could...wash a wall, or clean a counter spot, or de-junk a shelf but i don't want to. cuddles is on my lap, happy to have me still so i am just sitting here letting him be happy, how hard is that?

i am thinking about all the animals that not only did i not want, but how i fussed and actually dreaded going and getting them or waiting for them to arrive. all the way out to pick up maude from the pound, i resented that i was going to get another that i really didn't want. and then when i got there and she just about poked out my eye...i really wanted to leave her there because i KNEW she was going to be a pain in the ass. of course all it took was the drive home with her sitting on my lap and dangerously obstructing my view of the road to make me fall in love with not ask me why that did it but for some reason it did.

i made lexi wait FOREVER at the vets. i was busy moving and i did not want her, i wanted someone else in rescue to take her and nobody would. i finally did have to go and get her cuz the vets wanted her out of their kennels. now look at that unwanted beast, she is actually my own beloved dog.

cuddles (the poodle) just annoyed me, i thought he should stay in his home. and when he got here he was this long legged spindley thing and not very attractive to boot. and now i adore the little guy, he is beautiful and he looks great no matter what we dress him up in. he has decided that he is my dog even tho he really is not.

boo and the plague cats also pissed me off. why the hell should i have to take 5 ringwormy, lice ridden cats with icky gross mouths just because someone else couldn't care for them right? boo is like one of my most favorite cats now, she is still an absolute cow...but she does it with humour cuz being an utter hag is fun and i really like that about her for some reason.

mugsy and cleo, we all know i didn't want. i was glad when al said he was making other arrangements. two less sketchy, difficult dogs and i was happy to be off the hook. but then al died, and the dogs had to come here...and oh my god, how could i live without mugsy's great face and cleo's great ears and both of their joy in just running around the pond or getting under my feet, or sitting like a baggy buddha-dolt out in the middle of the riding ring.

i repeatedly FOUGHT off buddy and sissy...i used guilt and judgement and blunt, brutal honesty. and when they showed up here anyway, smelling and looking like god only knows what...they were so horribly horrid they were actually cute. and i fell in love with them too.

i didn't want jewel, she used to be homely but for some reason, now she is not. jesse, i wouldn't even give a name to, i just called her "not our dog." i didn't want phoebe which is why i sent her somewhere else first and clyde i only took cuz i knew no one else would and i knew he was going to be one of my worst nightmares. cuddles the cat had a very stupid name cuz he is not cuddly at all but he was with a crazy person who thought he should be euth'd because he had to have FIV even if he tested negative but really, he just needed dental surgery, his mouth was rotten cuz he was so old. eddie's owner absolutely enraged me...she was pissed cuz the vet wouldn't kill the cat and she didn't want to pay for a vet visit to get meds to fix up his sore mouth. even wee hopeful bug and her brother romeo i didn't want cuz i didn't want to live with them pooping all over my house, i really wanted them both to just stay in the shelter. i didn't want jed cuz he would take up too much room, and i didn't want darla cuz she is a PB with a rescue club and i didn't want raymond cuz he flooded the joint and i even didn't want ellie cuz my ankle was broken and she was hysterical and trashing the shelter and i did not want an hysterical pig. i didn't want jazz or jesse cuz they were big rotti's and my now ex, but not yet then, husband was a pain about rotti's ever since i was attacked by duke. (he thought rotti's were dangerous....yep, those two would just love you to death)
i pretty much did not want any of them, past, present or future, except...i did want percy once i saw his picture, he was so very bambi like and freaking cute and small...i am not sure i still want him tho cuz now he is big and stupid and he might accidently kill me one day. and i did want the americats cuz no animal should ever be suffering and dying in rescue from utter neglect.
just goes to show you, the things i don't want are the ones i love most in the world...except percy...i wanted him and i still love him to bits but only because he is a freaking idiotic, moronic doornob... and the americats, but i only love them cuz they love me so much too and they will never be hungry or suffering again.

and i really did not want the broken jaw cat, especially with his original price tag. but....i am kind of liking him now...maybe it is because he still sleeps alot and he is stuck in cage and he doesn't seem to mind it all that much either.

i think i can feed him now so i am almost done for tonight and can finally go to bed.