Rescue Journal

it has been a slow but steady day

Carol  ·  May 30, 2008

i hauled around several hundred pounds of stuff from point A to point B and back again...long story but basically i just moved crap in and out of my van so i could do the dump run and now have to move it over to its final destination, the barn..... maybe tonight, maybe in the morning. my neck is quite sore, sparkles gave me whip lash last night when i stood between her and the barn. i took some muscle relaxants but they are wearing off again and i am not sure if going to work as a competent nurse tomorrow with or without pain meds on board is a very good idea either way. i might be taking a sick day.

i have this odd feeling that clyde is quietly following me around. i feel him looking at me in perplexity, wondering why he is not really here anymore. i have been pretty good about not crying unless i start talking about him. it is a combination of loss and guilt and i will just have to let it play itself thru.

jewel was an insane moron with a soccor ball in the pond today. she didn't drown and kill herself but no one is ever allowed to toss a ball in the pond when she is around. she is sleeping now, i think she is quite tired.

jed had his vet check, he has put on 4 pounds and his heart rate is down to 140. so we keep him on the baytril, eye and cardiac meds and see how far back he can come.

cuddles the poodle was at the vets too. he was the recipient of clyde's last rage. i didn't want to say anything publically before because i didn't want anyone to not like clyde before he died. cuddles will survive his wounds, he is on antibiotics and colleen just shaved around them for ease of my keeping them clean. he knows i feel really badly that he was hurt.

so today is the first day of carrying on after our world turned upside down. it was a beautiful day out and the animals had fun. and my own regret it just part of the price that all rescuers sometimes pay.



Chris and I hope the best for the little man and wish him a speedy recovery.


I'm sorry you are in so much pain, Carol; both physically and emotionally. I can't imagine anyone questioning your decision regarding Clyde, but you will beat yourself black and blue until your next impossible choice comes along.

Clyde felt as safe and comfortable and loved as he ever could while with you at SAINTS. The fact that he was so badly damaged was just a fact of his life, sadly. It was not going to change, except for the worst, and God knows you tried to alleviate his anguish in every way possible.

Take time to grieve Clyde, but please don't ever doubt the fact that you did what had to be done.

Godspeed Clyde.

Feel better soon, Cuddles.

Take care of you, Carol.

Barbara DeMott

I had my most beloved german shepherd for 8.5 years. He was my best buddy, a totally obedient and intuitive pet except he had major dog aggression. I walked/jogged him every morning at 5Am for 8.5 years so he wouldn't meet another dog, I tried every method and every trainer,etc. to deal with his aggression.
He was great with the dogs in his tribe but tried to destroy those not in his tribe. Three years ago we put him down after he tried to bite the head off a schnauzer whose owner was an elderly man who just had bypass surgery. It was the third such incident. We had just moved and put up $3000 worth of fencing- he got out on a fluke coincidence, the guy happened to be walking by,etc.
It still kills me, Carol, I will never forget him, but there was no other solution and I certainly couldn't have passed him on to anyone.
I totally understand- the guilt and the pain and the necessity-I feel a little scared to even "come out" about it on this website.

Chris T

You did what you had to do Carol. You have a huge responsibility with all of the animals and keeping the safe is paramount. Go easy on yourself - Clyde had an illness that could not be controlled no matter how much he was loved. Thankfully, he spent time at SAINTS and was loved by you.