part of doing rescue effectively is keeping in touch with what is going on inside of you. sometimes this is really hard because you have to be willing to be honest.
there is an invisible barrier right now between me and cuddles the poodle. he is one of my all time favorite dogs and i adore him thru and thru. he still follows me wherever i go, he still sleeps constantly on my lap. he kisses my face and i kiss him back but something between us has changed. i think it is a combination of my guilt that he was injured and my regret that clyde is dead. i certainly don't blame him in any way, but when i see him, i automatically think of clyde. i think i am vaguely feeling like what a parent might feel if one child was lost and one was still there....a little bit of a disconnection..or maybe i am just tired.
it is an uncomfortable feeling and i don't like it much and i would just like it to go away. but right now i have so many different uncomfortable feelings that one more doesn't matter i guess..... .in any case, we will get thru it all...my all time favorite motto is...."fake it til you make it".......eventually you get there.
there is a definite change here since clyde has passed away...it is still noisy at times and chaotic but that element of high negative electricity has gone. the animals are more settled, they are feeling alot less stress. this makes me feel sad a bit too because clyde couldn't help that part of him either....obviously he is still haunting me, and maybe i need him to keep doing it too.
i am sure there is all kinds of psycho-babble-crap to explain what i am going thru...i will just keep it simple, i am still working this thru.
boots the new old guy has settled in perfectly well. gideon's appetite is still off a bit and i wish it would bounce back real quick. this is the problem with really old horses, it takes very little to throw their guts off.
well it is the season premiere of canadian idol tonight, i am not that excited but maybe once i start watching it i will get drawn in again.
molly is pooping another mile so i better take care of it before the show starts.