percy is doing ok with jeanette's loss.....i am sure both he and carl would be happier with a same species friend who understands them...but i am tired...screw the grass and space concerns....since clyde went after cuddles, it has been a mountain of burdens on me, one after another and then more adding daily to the pile....it hasn't stopped, it has just gotten heavier each day. and i can go even further back, to sparky's stroke or lexi's vestibular attack, when i thought she had stroked and was going to die..really, the past 3 months have been totally nutz with some kind of mind numbing crises...animal or human too.
today i feel it...that total load...it is here and it is happening at my work place too....the burdens of responsibilty and just plain unhappy stuff are weighing too heavily in every quarter (except knock on wood, all is well with my kids thank goodness)
new incoming tomorrow...a little blind, brittle diabetic, senior JRT....i should have turned him away.... i didn't... he will be the last for awhile now. i want to let my guilt over clyde to fade a bit...i want the worry of jeanette to soften, i want to get past and thru the upcoming eviction hearing, and i want to get the memorial garden, jesse's outdoor run, and the americats summer porch finished. i want to get some vents in the roof of the barn, and the pond is now shrinking which means the well will soon be dry and i need to be ready for that when it happens too.
in short...my capability is squeezed to the max right now...i feel weak and not strong anymore. if i let myself get past some of this stuff maybe i can look at percy and carl's possible needs clearly and not from my all too human view...mo maybe right...maybe they have their family and i only think they need more. i am content with my family of other species, maybe they are for now too.