Rescue Journal

it started out as a great day

Carol  ·  Aug. 4, 2008

and then it descended into truly sucks. alot of my favorite people were here, everything got done efficiently and very well. mj came and helped me catch up on the paperwork so now i can do a deposit and the receipts are all ready to mail out. the animals had a great day, none got hurt or sick (or died), they all had a happy day and i am grateful for this. dawn came out and hung true's windchime in the memorial garden and took a few moments to meet nola and really liked telling where that might end up. hope is floating here yet again.
then came the note that helpfully pointed out (so i could do better next time) another of the ways in which i suck. the ways that i could improve are countless, unfortunately my abilities are not, i would like them to be but sadly they aren't....just doing the best here that i can right now.
i need to make something clear here, because this puts me in a bad mood every time it crops up....there is a reason why i don't start with all the airy fairy crap about how much i think i mean to these animals...i am not their savior, i am not the one who can see in their souls, i don't speak their language aloud for all to hear and they don't speak mine all that well either. we don't have this magical thing between us that belongs to us alone, i am not this saintly person floating around here in robes of pure white...and if i ain't doin' it, sure as shit no one else is doin' it either. we have a respectful relationship where i try to fulfill THEIR needs, not make them fulfill mine. i happen to think that i owe this to them. i do have a decent understanding of most of them and they of me sometimes by virtue of what we share here together each day.

and i hate to tell folks this, cuz i don't want to make this a competition or anything..but it is my blood, sweat and tears that is staining the floors here at saints 24/7...that would be the real reality. everyone knows (cuz i have said it enough times) how disrespectful i find the disney fantasy to be to the animals. specifically or in general, cuz disney lies...disney tells the part of the story that disney thinks will make money. it doesn't matter if it is true or not, it just has to sound good, that is where the payoff is. this quite frankly bothers me a great deal....cuz 12 dogs died abandoned and chained in the frozen ice fields and disney pretends that all but 2 survived....bullshit.
so to stave off my deteriorating mood as i am ruminating about stuff i don't like, eva and i decide to escape for a quick dinner. on the way down the hill, we saw two big boys brutally hit and push to the ground a very small girl. all eva and i could hear in the van were her childish screams. i immediately swerved to pull over to the side of the road to help her...and bam, i sideswiped a car coming up behind me in the right lane...totally my fault, no excuses.... i never even looked. nice man, i told him it was my fault and i was sorry. i called icbc and i told them it was my fault and i was sorry. and i am sorry and thank god it wasn't a guy on a motorcycle or bike cuz i could have killed him and i am fully aware of that and then i would have been even sorrier.
the little girl ran home to her mom, those cowardly and very mean boys took off on their bikes. the nice man and i exchanged information and checked with each other that we were both alright. eva gave me her support and symapthy and bought me dinner and then we came home to put the barn guys to bed.

and now my day is once again done...some of it was really a very nice day. some of it was not that great. some of it was unfair and unkind, some of it was selfish and mean. some of it was filled with wonderful people and truly great animals and that is the part that i am grateful for. hitting that car was just one of those stupid things that happens sometimes, especially to me...and that was my day shining animal or child protecting telepathic angel with magical powers to wow the rest of the world...just a single human who tries to act as she thinks ( and sometimes forgets to shoulder check first) and stumbles thru her good and bad day... i live in rescue and real life reality....even when reality or rescue bites.



Carol, there will always be people who need more self-confidence than they can create through realistic goals, efforts and pure, down and dirty hard work.

Some of the animals at S.A.I.N.T.S. are pretty magical, in their ways. Humans are not required to make them that way, and can sometimes hinder the beauty that makes them special. Humans desperately shouting silent cries of "look at me, look at me" don't help the S.A.I.N.T.S. crew at all. It becomes quite obvious quite quickly those who are genuine in their desire to give of themselves, asking nothing in return (very, very few people) and those who need recognition, kudos, and the attention that rightly belongs to the animals themselves.

There is a sad truth in rescue. Most people seem to be involved for the wrong reasons. Rescue is not about photo ops. Disney stories, mind-melding or becoming one with an animal, it's about unending piles of laundry, cleaning the same surfaces day in and day out, it's about too many bills and too little sleep, sick and dying animals, the never-ending need for space for a new animal. In reality, rescue is a bitch.

Keep your head up. Those who know, know.


Yay for men who are nice when you sideswipe them. Flowers to him. Toads to mean people and critical people.