trina called last night to check on dusty....she really is attached to this dog which says a lot about dusty because trina deals with way more dogs then i ever do....i think the more we do this, the really deep attachments are saved for the really special ones.
i asked her if she had gotten any response from the rescue community about helping out this dog...nada, not one. this sucks because while dusty is better off here than in an AC kennel for monitering because i am here at night, she would be even better off in an experienced one or two dog at a time kind of rescue home where they have the time and space and energy to devote to her more exclusively.
oh well. trina said i can send her back, it will be hard but she can manage somehow. yeah ok...or we can keep her here and it will be hard and we will manage her somehow too...and dusty is pretty damn lucky that trina runs AC and does not outright nuke dogs like her and instead kills herself to give them a chance and that she has my phone number where she knows help is waiting even if it is hard for us sometimes as well.
and i really do wish there was another senior/special needs rescue out there because it is not the numbers we have that makes it so hard sometimes...it is the level of care that they sometimes need. i could probably handle twice as many easy dogs vs half as many special needs.
and it is money...we have the last of the reno fees this week...the electrical, the dog shower, the shop laundry hook ups and the final clean up things. they need to get done or they won't get done. but this week is it and then the guys are out of here because we are out of money... so... they better get done or i will be tossing a fit because we need these things. we have the wages to cover for the staff to look after all of these crippled and wrecked little beings, we have the vet bills...and that included dusty who trina was paying for out of her wages...she doesn't make much for that huge job she does and dogs like dusty with $1000 vet bills are going to put her into bankrupt status one day. but that bill needed paying up front...trina's vet does not let us carry balances...cash and carry today please.
and the worry time returns like it always does...the sun can only shine for so long...sick animals who need help to get well, death row animals who want to stay alive, hopeless animals who are asking for a chance for hope just this once when they have never had hope before in their lives anyway.
and i struggle with myself because i know in my head we need to slow down and wait out the leaner times...but my gut says screw that...keep doing your work cuz they are dying while we wait for the sun to rise again. and no one should die if we can possibly help just one more.
i know this isn't easy, i know this path too well, i know about the feast and the famine and the sometimes overwhelming burden i force saints to carry...on good days, bad days, light and dark days....it is freaking scary trusting in god or whoever is in charge that we will find a way to struggle thru.
and here is the crux of rescue...determination, commitment.... but mostly faith that some higher power is watching over them and you.
please, don't let me be wrong that there is a god somewhere who cares about the weak, the wretched, the unhappy, the sick and the sad and even the crazy ones who try to help them too.