ahhh, not a single tea bag anywhere in sight....
Carol · Sep. 20, 2009
i have not started the day without a cup of tea in more than 30 years, weird. i will go out later and pick a few much needed things.
the kitchen and computer room were totally afloat..the only dry spots were the islands of occupied dog beds. rosie's and max's bladders were in hyper overdrive last night.
last day of vacation..back on early shift tomorrow...can the well handle the daily laundry and a bath for me as well?
guess we'll find out.
the post i wrote last night was a combination of grief and thinking. it was sparked by something that the ferrier said to me last week. she said that lahanie was a shut down horse. he was one of those horses that had tried communication with humans for all of his life before he finally just gave up. now he doesn't even bother any more.
i took that further to why, when other humans have told me their stories of their deep relationships with their horse..why have i not developed the same deep bonding with any of our guys.
i spend a fair amount of time with them...i work hard to ensure they like their life. i am kind and respectful and i am totally in love with them all. but to them i am just the very nice human, but totally horse clueless one who they try hard not to hurt.
someday ask mo how often i do things that i should not do...like throwing open the barn doors and gates and letting everyone together rush in or out. i do believe those horses recognise the innocent idiocy of me, and consequently take care not to run over top of me.
i also am thinking that besides mo's explanation, that since i don't work them or ask them to work with me...the relationships don't build here because we are not working together towards something. but i think there is more to it than that.
i think that maybe like lahanie's communication shut down...after decades of investing the effort into engaging in human relationships that in the end were not honored..they just decided...ok, this is pointless..these humans will not stay by their bond.
horses are not like that..once part of a herd, they stay part of the herd. they don't send each other way, and they don't ever just get bored and walk away either. the herd is their family, they honor that well. even if the relationships are difficult, like with lahanie. the bonding and committment to each other stand firm.
so i think the reason our horses like us, but don't love us is because we humans have over the years taught them not to. it is not worth it because at some point we will send them away.
isn't that sad? we taught them that humans are just not worth their love.
anyway...while i would love for our horses to love me..i am not going to ever make them feel anything special for me. they don't have to to suffer my manipulation attempts so i can feel special to them.
i kind of like the fact that they can take me or leave me...it means they have enough strength and power and emotional connections with each other and themselves to not need to foster an emotional relationship with me.
after all of their years of living and giving, it must be a relief to finally be free of our endless needs.