Rescue Journal

i am turning off the comments on this one

Carol  ·  Dec. 18, 2009

not because i am afraid that someone will agree or disagree or say something that will get me into trouble somehow ( another lawsuit)....not because i don't want to hear your comments (because i actually do)...this is not even a controversial post, it is a moral one that i am struggling with today....but i turned off the comments because....firstly...whatever i decide..will have nothing to do with what anyone else thinks...and because i do not want to give the impression that i am looking for support on what i might or might not guys are so good at supporting me!

first tho...the quickie saints news:

ALL of the bunnies are happy and settled well, back in their original pens. tu and thumper are fully bonded....universal contentment reigns in the rabbit room again.

milly has gone home with louise on a weekend trial.
harvey did not go home with nicole the end, clara said she needed nicole more.
4lane is out for the evening with renee tonight...if he is not stressed, he will spend the weekend with her.
someone should tell max that he looks stupid sitting in the big litter box.
squirt and felix went to sam's with kathy for grooming today. this is the first time in almost 2 years that i have felt comfortable that squirt was ready to handle an off site grooming appointment...he did very well...yay squirt!!!! (and by the way...they both look totally cute!)
angie finally had her matts shaved at the vets today and she managed really well too.
everyone else is holding their own, at least for today.

when i started this blog, it was intended to be a couple of things...a place where i could safely share my view of this life with honesty. and an actual real life record of every day, every animal, every triumph, failure and struggle and everything more. it really is an interactive diary.

it also is highly personal...because i share myself too..i tell you what i think and feel...i tell you when i am right on the ball and when the ball is bouncing away from me. i tell you when i am healthy and when i am not...not just physically but mentally and emotionally...i tell you a lot.

i don't know what value this has to each of you individually...does it teach, does it help you to accept your own not so great days, is it simply entertaining like reading a daily melrose place?...does it just give the folks who don't like me...fuel to feed their dislike?

i figure it has some value to someone, cuz some keep reading..the ones that find nothing interesting here simply don't come back again.

but the blog has value to many different ways. it allows me to share all of me with them quite intimately.....that is pretty special...our lives don't allow us to be us most of the time.

so my struggle.....saints has been evolving rapidly from the first day we opened our doors...who could possibly conceive that in barely 5 years of operation we would have a full and functioning facility, a small army of incredible volunteers, a donor base that not only supports us but assists us to grow and 4 almost fulltime staff to care for the animals when i am at is astounding....really.

i truly believe that what we do here is not only rare and unique but it is absolutely necessary...not just for the animals who have given their entire lifetimes to us...but for us as a society. we have to grow past ourselves...we have to accept responsibility for the choices we have made and we cannot continue to allow the vulnerable or the marginalized to pay for the thoughtless and careless and oftimes selfish mistakes we have made.

so if i believe this to be true..and this is the path that i have chosen to do my part to affect positive change in this world...then i need to ensure that we keep moving forward to accomplish our goals. it means that i start planning for a saints beyond me...a saints that stands on its own. a saints that is not dependent on my wages, my committment, my actual life.

sorry...a break in my thoughts here... aquick clean up is needed...max just had diarrhea everywhere (he should have stayed in the litter box.)

anyway...the blog has the potential to become a liability. if we want to start growing in a direction that can take saints past the actual "me"..i might have to start doing somethings a little bit differently.
business and corporate sponsors will not be interested in aligning themselves with the good hearted but somewhat crazy animal rescue lady.

this is a reality...and this makes me sad because it becomes another personal loss for me....the ability to just be exactly who i am, on any given day......whatever that really means.
so today, and probably tomorrow and maybe for the next few weeks...i am struggling with this. i am weighing the possibilities against the risks. i am questioning my ability to figure out not only the right in this, but also a comfortable place for me to reside in this.

i wish god made me better and smarter and nicer and a little less crazy...then this wouldn't even be an issue but today for me it is.