today i am being a highly emotional being.
Carol · Dec. 30, 2009
i had a couple of small panic attacks today. you know the feeling...the gut full of huge butterflies, the tight feeling in your chest. it is the danger signal...not everything is all right in your world. i got it into my head that lilly was the reason so i tried to call her foster mom to see how things were going....everything is A OK. i checked on toni and yuki, all is under control there too. i had an email on spot...still a few issues being worked on with him but his family are on top of it all so i don't need to worry about him either.
i came home for lunch, angie is under the weather but nothing too worrisome yet...so ok then...all is as well can be expected with all of the saints.
i had another one this afternoon, right after a complex care conference on one of the new patients i have been struggling with to meet his needs since his homecare admission. even tho it was a struggle i still did a good job with him.
so what is bugging me? is it working 9 out of 10 days during the busy holiday season? am i just tired, am i just PMS'ing or getting weird and menopausal again?
who freaking knows.
anyway, when i got home tonight this is how my arrival went. i could see jerry, caspar, daphne 2 and shadow all quietly and patiently waiting on the dog room futon for me. they never lay there together unless they are waiting for me to come home. it was nice to see that my homecoming was something they were looking forward to.
when i got into the main house...everyone got up and came over to say hi to me...jewel was so happy, she started rolling at my feet. molly got her hello and so did tyra, maude, squirt and cole. phoebe got up to say hello still partially covered by her blanket. reggie waited by his gate for me to bend over and rub his face, rose and max followed me here and there to get their faces rubbed too. buddy and sissy ran over to say hi and lucas still laying on the couch smiled big and wide. webster asked me to please hurry up and open the dog door flap and then stopped to rub against me to say thx for that.
while i am typing, max is stealing computer paper from the cubby next to me because he likes to rip it up when he is happy.
my butterflies are gone, my chest is no longer tight..i have 2 much needed days off and in my world tonight, all is right. (i think)