i just realized why i hurt so much every morning when i wake up,,,i sleep tight and hard, all curled up...not good.
over the years i have literally trained myself to move softly and slowly and gently around here. it is not just a physical thing, it is emotional too. so that when i come into an area my physical presence or my emotional needs do not take over and intrude.
ok, that is not quite right...it does to a certain extent because they all get so excited and have to get up to say hello.
i guess what i mean is that i don't let the over the top excited or harsh or negative energy fly out from inside of me...just the quietly happy, peaceful, all is well... stuff....the animals are comfortable with that.
so it stands to reason that if i can make myself soft and pliable and relaxed during the day..i should be able to do it at night when i am sleeping...i am going to work on this and see if i can't wake up feeling good instead of tied up in knots.
the bed seemed so empty last night without daphne...the room did not light up so bright when i slipped in to go to bed. the other ones tried, shadow has a soft cocker light of her own and even archie came out of bed to wag his tail hello.
we tried to cuddle up and watch some tv but nothing on seemed right so i put on a movie.
wow, did i pick the wrong one...can't remember the name of it...district 9? or something. it was about a refugee camp for aliens (yes..outer space aliens) set in south africa. the whole tone of the movie was uncomfortable and weird. i finally just turned it off and went to sleep, resigned to that very odd and disconnected bedtime feeling.
didn't like that too much, bedtime is supposed to feel good.
oh what exciting things will this day bring? right now, i don't really care.
my special moment yesterday?
was not even with one of my animals...it was with colleen's sweet dog ticket.
i was trying to tell colleen about daffy's passing and i thought i was ok, but i was not because the tears started again. and i looked down at my leg...and there was ticket sitting next to me, looking up, straight into my eyes..."why are you upset? everything is ok." apparently i was not so great at keeping a lid on sadness yesterday.
she is an amazing dog...she sees into the heart of things....i will try to do better today so even the really smart ones can't see.
the effort should keep me distracted and busy!