all day i was trying to wrap my head around copper's death.

the problem was years ago i decided that he would live to be 20 at least cuz only the good die young. the other issue is the animals who were with me before the saints journey began, are mostly gone now. there is just the fruit loops, dixie, frodo, tyra and me left...everyone else is gone...sophie, bill, wilbur, copper, tally, marilla, clover, pause, ogidie, julie, hickory, murphy, romeo and wee hopeful bug. i built saints for them because they built saints within me.

i learned more from copper than i can ever say. he made me a better parent, he made me a better rescuer, he made me a better person in so many ways. he taught me about patience and loving little assholes, he taught me how to laugh in adversity and how to stand firm when getting pushed around. he taught me that right, not easy, always comes first...and i always did try to do right by him.

i said once that death was not the terrible monster...sometimes life is. copper had a very good life. he had a fan club that spanned back 10 years ago when i used to write stories about him in website diaries and rescue forums. he never had fortune, but he did have a bit of fame.

one of the nurses today told me she remembered a story from many years ago when copper used to entice a blind dog to play and then purposely run him into a tree for fun (that was poor arthur.) i had forgotten about that..he was such a little bugger.

anyway, when i got home and got everyone out to pee. i took a few minutes for a quiet hot bath to really think about what copper's death means to me.

and it means that for the last year of his life, copper was happy. he had a home, he had a family who loved him.

i did right by him.

i will always love you, i will always miss you and i will always know, there will never again be a dog like you.
rest in peace copper top, little gipper, the beagle from hell...you made your mark on this world...you made your mark on me.