saints is not an impersonal entity..it molly, floyd, squeakers, the rock, jewel, gideon, tunie, edith, annie, thumper.....saints is each and every one of them and all the others past and future. it is very personal for me.
Carol · Apr. 11, 2010
i got home from work and let everyone out for a pee. they are mostly settling in for the evening now, except for that mongolian monkey. he was being a dick-head and snarling and lunging at anyone who walked by so i stuck him up on a karunda bed for awhile.
he was so mad that he started pounding his two front feet in frustrated high speed, when that didn't work, he moved into a full blown temper tantrum fit and began throwing himself around. in his rage, he fell the 6 inches off the bed onto his head on the floor...which to a small little dog, is a great height.
oh well, the shock of the fall distracted him so he is being good again....for now....good thing he landed on his head, not much damage could happen to that brainless rock.
sissy has been coming to me many times a day for a cuddle. i guess i have replaced buddy for her as her best forever friend.
while i was holding her tonight..pheber's got a bit jealous...so i rubbed the red devils chest and told her she was being very good (this was manipulative of me because phoebe really wanted to bite sissy but she didn't because i happened to be recognizing that she was being good.)
this brings to mind for me, the very basic and simple reason i do rescue. i love these little buggers...i really and truly do. and when i get sad and down because things are not as simple or as easy as i think they should be...i need to remember why i am doing what i do...i do it because 5 years after arriving as a smelly, hairless, homely, little dog...five years later...sissy smells nice and now she is almost pretty. i watched her grieve the brother she loved who was her constant friend and companion since her birth and i watched her as she rediscovered love and friendship in her world.
i wish i was better, i wish i was smarter, i wish i had all of the answers on how everything should be, i wish i could win the lottery, i wish i was everything that they could ever possibly want or need.
what the gods actually gave me however, was the animal's faith that i will love them and i will keep them safe and yes i will pick them up for a cuddle or go and find them a cookie..no matter what. and my faith in them, that they can find happiness again.
sigh... the burden of our communal faith is crushing....good thing i don't squish too easily. and if i was one of those god's that be..i would have passed along something a little more helpfully concrete...there are many, many people smarter and better than me, folks that the god's gave a better skill set to..i suppose that is why there is only one saints...they looked at me when they ran out of all the really helpful shit and said.....ooops...so they made me non-squishable instead.
i say the gods suck at gift giving....hope floats til it sinks just ain't that easy.