i am feeling pissy and irritable.
some days i just feel like i can't move. there is stuff everywhere, there are animals everywhere, there are people everywhere i turn.
and it is all so necessary..the animals are the reason we all are here, the stuff is the necessary components needed by them and the people are the necessary caregivers to care for them too.
some days i just want to get in my car and drive far away. oh well, that ain't ever gonna happen but kumbaya at least got to take a good long hike somewhere else today.
sigh...rescue sucks big time some days in really little and stupid ways.
anyway...the upper field is done. i now have a migraine and a sore neck from two days on the tractor but that worry is now off my list for this year, i got it finished in plenty of time.. i picked up the seed and the fertilizer early this morning. the guy at the ag store said i could mix them together and apply it all in one shot. a few days of rain would be nice to give it a jump start. now begins the anxious peering at the field every day...looking for the first sign that the seed is sprouting and growing the way it should.
larry became a barn dog today. he does everything slowly with a lot of thought and caution. but he finally made it all the way out there and had a very good look around. he liked what he saw. a whole new world so far removed from the concrete jungle of LA. that he must have felt like he was on a different planet but one that seemed pretty ok.
bibi and i had words this morning at 6 am. i was folding laundry and he was standing a couple of feet away giving me absolute shit. there was no mistaking that he was talking to me. he barked at me non stop, he made direct eye contact and followed me as i put linens away. and what he had to say was not very nice..."look lady, i do not like you, i do not want to be here, i am being held against my will. i think your whole rescue thing sucks and should be closed down immediately. yes i will eat that cookie, thx, but i still think you royally suck."
bb is progressing from utter fear to really pissed off. he is frustrated by his perceived inability to communicate to me the essence of his very great need..which is to get the hell out of saints asap.
i tried to explain, i tried to get him to understand. but after almost an hour of that dog giving me shit, i finally just looked at him and said..."look buddy, i ain't any happier about you being here than you are. i would like some peace and quiet..i would like to sleep at night without my head under my pillow to block the sound of your unhappiness. i would like to fold laundry at 6 am without getting shit from a homeless dog who says i am not good enough for him...like any of your options were any better than here!"
bibi just ignored me...this is all about him and not about me so i should just shut up and listen to him.
so... he is right. i get that he is unhappy and life is not going the way that it should. but i am also glad that he is progressing from the helpless and powerless victim to the role of the pissed off and wronged....once he gets past this stage of grieving maybe he will look at me and give me a chance to be his friend...or maybe not...it is up to him.
bailey is still a huge baby..i made laura hold him so i could flush his wound. he acted like i was taking a knife to him and not just a simple syringe filled with warm saline...god bailey you are a pretty big dog to act like such a little kid.
i just sent away a couple of nice families who popped up from the plant sale to have a look around. the dogs are tired, i am tired..i still have a ton of saints laundry plus my own work week clothes laundry plus all the bedding and linens from my bed and a headache and i only have a few hours before it is evening routine to do again...i am totally burned out at saints today...i told them to come back next weekend at 11 am when we have the troops around to do the tours.
i just can't make myself do drop in tours right now...i don't have it in me anymore that is why we set up the weekend open 11 am tours...so people could tour but i could still have some quiet time to do the stuff that i need to do before i go back to work for the week again. it seemed like the fair thing to do....meet the publics needs and my needs too...because i actually also have needs (like clean laundry and bedding and a hot bath undisturbed.)
kumbaya might come back again, but it ain't here right now...it wants me to have a hot bath and quietly fold laundry before it tries to stick it's head back inside my door.
all i want for mothers day is a quiet and stress free afternoon.
anyway...i am working away on the mountain of laundry and hoping my headache gets better soon. the dogs are all exhausted from their busy day today so right now they are all stationary and sleeping which is really good.
i do actually like quiet sunday afternoons if they stay quiet...maybe kumbaya will be heading back here soon.