Rescue Journal

a broken record...blah, blah, blah...

Carol  ·  May 15, 2010

it was a shitty nights sleep...i worried til after midnight and then i woke up worrying at 3:30 and finally my gawd dam cell phone started ringing at was an 888 number not a family emergency, thank goodness. and now i am worrying again...but not about my family.

i can mostly just worry about chewie but i can also worry about bibi and jewel. money and vet bills are always crouched and waiting for me to do the really big worry.

but... that worry makes me want to puke my guts out and run around in hysterical panic so maybe right now i should keep a lid on that one and just worry about minor/inconsequential things. like..... bibi is eating the entanceway wall (...why do new dogs ALWAYS eat that wall??...oh wait i know...cuz they want to get out! i said to him this morning..."quit eating my freaking wall...the only way out of here is thru the door, a hole in the wall doesn't help you at all.".... you would think after a lifetime of going in and out of doors and not thru actual walls..dogs would this out.)

anyway... i don't think we will have the time or the money to fix it before the open house next month. this bugs me because it looks really crappy and gross, like we live in a slum-dog house. but on a scale of 1 to 10 of important is not all that important of a worry at all. it just bugs me to see and not fix.

i can worry about which stray cat i am going to maybe catch in my backyard tonight and if he or she is going to get stuck living here or will i be able to find the home they strayed away from? i can worry about those other old animals that i got emails about circling around our perimeter just waiting for me to have a weak moment so they can get in. but that is anticipatory worry, it is not reality worry right it is only transitory worry not constant...until it actually becomes a reality, then i can worry for real.

or i can worry about the very real reality of that really old and fat face with all that grey sticky up hair staring at me in the mirror this morning....geezuz...i couldn't age kinder than this??? what the freaking hell?????

oh well...i might as well just quit worrying about everything and everyone for awhile and get dressed and start actually working.....there are vet runs and feed/supply runs...there are floors, laundry, icky skin dogs and infected goat legs to wash today...that ought to keep me busy enough to leave worry alone til bedtime again.

i am such a broken record...rescue (worry) totally sucks.