i think tyra had a very brief seizure last night..it was over so quick, i am not totally sure.
Carol · Jun. 22, 2010
i have noticed that she has been quiet the past few days..i thought she was upset with me because i got really mad at her on saturday night. she had gotten into an argument with tiny sammy over the bowl of food i had just given to sammy. tyra wanted the bowl, sammy told her to piss off, tyra told sammy to piss off right back...no one hurt anyone but i could not see that because it was dark...all i heard was the noise....it put me over the edge because i was still raw over perdy grabbing suzie.
anyway..i was so mad, tyra got nailed right to the floor and then to upset her even more griffin rushed into the ruckus of tyra in rare but very deep shit with mom and started nipping at her back legs....she lost it and peed everywhere...i knew and felt bad that she was traumatized....but i also knew that tyra weighs 90 pounds and sammy weighs 5 and she absolutely cannot argue over food bowls with the tiny guys.....she used to know it too but on saturday night, the worst night of all when i was still really upset over suzie...she forgot.
i did not physically hurt her...but i did scare the pee out of her and tyra is 14, she is too old to be scared and i still feel like shit over that. and i feel guilty because her whole life, she has had to live with me....always sharing, always on the periphery of me helping others, always watching me be exhausted and busy.
it sucks to be a rescuer's dog, they sacrifice more than any.
tyra is pretty forgiving...she does really love me. but when she was so quiet since that night happened..i still thought she was mad at me.
so i have been sucking up to her....i have been laying on the floor with her whenever she catches my eye..i have been bringing her own special canned food bowls whenever i am feeding one of the needy. i shared 2 ice cream sandwiches with her last night, trying to get her to smile again....i just got a gentle tail wag....i wanted her foot in my eye.
and then late last night, she had what i think is a small seizure but i am not sure...and so i am consumed with guilt because maybe her age is catching up with her and i got so very mad at her the other night.
what if she is nearing the end of her life and i broke her trust in me by scaring the shit out of her.
i rarely get angry...i rarely am in a really ugly mood and i will tell you why that is...because sure as shit, something will happen close on the heels of it and i don't want to carry the guilt of that pissy mood forever.
i am sorry tyra...if i could take back my anger at you, i would. and if i knew what rescue would cost you over your life...i might re-think that one too.
i love you.