rescue itself is a long series of selfish actions

you have to be incredibly selfishly determined to go to the wall time and time again to help animals in need. you make your human and animal friends and family's pay part price..you make them participate because it is that or they won't have any part of you at all.

rescuers are not saints, we are kamakazi pilots in the battle against misery. ..it sucks to be one of our loved ones because we do fly solo into the night.

when i got home today...the dogs were really happy to see me. i did not get home for lunch and was gone for about 10 hours...i think they did not like that much. molly and caspar did their happy dance, bibi was beaming happily at me and even esther actually got off her bed to come and say hello.

i did the diabetics up early cuz i need to do them again at 0530 and it is a good thing i did because lincoln and o 'grady had gotten into tu and thumpers pen and thumper was sporting a bloody nose. i have to say that lincoln is turning into a bully bunny and should stay in his own home.

and this is the day to day addictive life of rescue to me.

i know i am very good at the rescue thing...but since tyra's death i am thinking i am almost too good. why do i have to push myself and those around me to the n'th degree to rescue as many as i possibly can?

..maybe i wouldn't feel so guilty about her life long bond with me if i wasn't such a freaking down and dirty, born again and ultimately incredibly selfish, rescuer.

it sucks to be a train on the fast track when the ones you love, drop by the wayside along the way.

there is a part of me that is desperate to go into every shelter and find myself another tyra of my own to love. and i will not do it again..i gave up that right when i chose to go this deep into rescue and i should have thought of that while she was still alive.

maude and daphne came to saints of others accord but i can never seek out another and make her come here because of my selfish and screamingly empty need. tyra was my dog..not one of my rescue dogs..i went and adopted her from a shelter for our family companion when she was a puppy.

i did not know what that meant to me til she was gone....she was never a burden i felt the need to help, she was my chosen, very own dog.

and it so sucks to be able to think of these things...if i could just be stupid and not think so deep....maybe i could convince myself to find another life long friend for me.

ahhh tyra, you have ruined a big part of the selfish me.