do you know why, we the ongoing caregivers of saints do really well here?
Carol · Jul. 28, 2010
it is because being here stretches us..it forces us to step outside of ourselves and really look at the rest of the world.
you simply cannot be present at the passing of someone like tunie and not start thinking about the person inside of a pig.
even the vet who was here, was so thoughtful and patient..he knew the sound of a male voice pissed her right off, so he spoke in a whisper that she didn't mind. he told me that he tried to be really respectful and gentle with the farm animals he treats, because someday if reincarnation is true, he may one day come back as a pig and at the end of his life, he would like to be treated gently and respectfully too.
while we were waiting for the multiple sedation injections to send tunie to sleep, we talked about what is next for her too..is there an afterlife? neither of us knew.
saints cannot make us intrinsically different then we made ourselves...we are already good, or bad, giving or taking, smart or stupid, blind or seeing, questioning or knowing, right or wrong, long before we come here.
and saints cannot change who we are....we are the only ones who can ever do that.
but saints gives us the opportunity to view the world and life around us differently. it gives us the opportunity to glimpse some things normally not seen by human beings.
last night, just as dark was falling..i went out to the barn to check on ellie. she was in her bed as tunie passed away, but she couldn't see her or touch her so i was wondering if she was ok.
i didn't want to disturb anyone or intrude if they all were asleep by opening the door and turning on the lights and destroying any sense of quiet or peace.
so i went to ellie's window and quietly just looked inside...and i saw ellie laying up on her chest with her ears upright. her face and her nose...her entire body in fact, was pointed directly towards tunie's bed. the horses were all standing at their stall doors, with their heads out in the aisle way and also silently looking towards tunie's door.
there was death in the saints barn last night, and of course every animal knew...and they knew it was petunia too.
i cannot even guess what each of them was thinking last night..but i know they were fully aware that tunie had died.
i just cannot imagine witnessing and participating deeply in the lives and deaths of our very special animals, and not being stretched, not being forced to try to understand, not being taken outside of our comfortable shoes and suddenly finding them too small to put on again.
and here is the gift that tunie and others share with us every single day...once those shoes no longer fit, they don't fit anywhere ever again. these animals, in just their being and endings, force us to grow bigger footprints to stride thru life with.
i think there is a reason why god closed the door between knowing exactly what goes on in someone else's head...that closed door forces us to think further, acknowledge and explore deeper, the possibilities around us in living and caring for others. we can if we want, project our thoughts into them but what good does that do?...how does that help us to try to understand?
every moment in life is an opportunity...even the moment of death. it is up to us to decide how far we want to go with it, how far we let it take us..how many pairs of shoes we are willing to grow out of or if we just want to go barefoot from now on instead.
i really miss petunia alive and well in my world this morning but i am forever grateful for the opportunity to have loved her enough to learn how to wonder.