i got all teary when i was driving home from work today..i was listening to my special sappy music cd. i was thinking of what i have lost in rescue..of what was the biggest and hardest of hits...and it wasn't my marriage, or any semblence of normalcy, it wasn't having a real home and privacy (altho that is kind of close) and it wasn't my retirement security....
it was marilla, wee hopeful bug, spritely, and tyra...being able to touch them, to feel them, to smell each of their unique scents..just being able to see them as they wandered thru my life every day....that is what is the biggest loss.
and there are other great losses...clyde, wilbur, tally, hook, copper, dexter, cole, jazz, jesse, the queen of the mp room, jewel, the queen of the nile, tula, pause, droolie julie, bill, tucker, little jack, sweet pea, felix, maple, petunia, sparkles..... cuddles.
and there will be more...gideon, ellie, ziggy, maude....
i am left wondering, how many times can love be lost?
it must be a great many because daphne had no trouble grabbing a chunk of my heart, and neither has harold, chewie chewed a hole right in me and the cows have swallowed me whole...and that little bugger sammy is pushing her way deep inside too....and bonita, and bibi and larry... the little fat boy and oh my god...even reggie the absolute screaming head shattering freak has a piece of me.
so i guess the biggest thing i lost and will probably never get back again...is my unbroken heart...and that kind of sucks.