my headache has gotten expotentially worse.

and it was my own stupidity that did this.

i am currently in a very foul mood..not at the animals...not at any particular humans except myself.
i lost track of time again and haven't paid the bills. the last bills i paid were feb 21..it did not seem that long ago.
anyway the only reason i know this is because terrason (or whoever they are now, cut off the gas today.) it was cool in here when i got home so i went to turn the fireplaces on and poof..oh shit..carol you suck once again.

i called them and paid them on line (and everyone else too in case they were thinking of doing the same) plus i paid the reconnection fee and the now mandatory security deposit and waited for the gas man to come back again.
he just left...nice man...he handled having to come into the house and turn all of the pilot lights on. the dogs quite liked him and enjoyed the evening visit (which i could have done without.)

oh yay...carol sucks again today...but at least the gas is back on.

so on to animal things...

marvin; i just finished putting the mp building to bed. and tonight he actually ate quite well. his mouth is finally feeling better, he no longer screams when he tries to eat. we are cutting back on the narcotics now and moving to the less invasive and less traumatizing metacam on his food. tonight, he finally didn't look so utterly pathetic and horribly abused.

it is going to be a long road back to any kind of normalcy for marvin, if he even ever gets there. this once happy and affectionate cat has been in so much pain for so very long with humans doing unpleasant and painful things to his mouth that it will take time for him to forgive and forget. he also has basically been immobilized by his pain for many months so marvin has lost some of his ability and his motivation to actually move on his own. he will lay in his bed, and pee in his bed and wait in his bed for his food to be brought to him. he will not independently do anything for himself anymore, he has assumed the role of immobile victim.

now that he is better, we have to get him moving again. he has lost his table top bed and now only has his bed on the floor..near his litter box and food and water bowls. every day now we are taking him out of his bed and placing him in the middle of the medical room floor so that he has to get up on his own four feet to scurry back to the safety of his bed.

the rehab of marvin has begun...we now have to build up his faith in himself and the others who care for him and restore his confidence in the goodness of life. we have to help him to find his lost personal power, his days of victimhood are over. sometimes life deals cats far too much for them to emotionally handle and one of those things is chronic and excuriating pain from which they can never find relief. it colors everything in their entire world and it sucks out their ability to believe that they can once again live free from pain, free from fear.

marvin has to re-learn this again.

marvin is a great little cat..the vets figure he is about 4 years old. hopefully he will come out of his fear filled shadows soon and find the happiness that he is entitled to...i promise you marvin, life has really and truly gotten better...we will make sure it stays that way for you.