it is freaking scary.
it doesn't matter how big or how small your rescue is..you are still going to be stessed out, worrying, freaking out and terrified of the very same things. in the grand scheme and scale of it, large or small it all is relative to what you are doing.
i remember when people used to ask me..how do you work, go to school, AND do both with three small children? i don't think the nursing students with only one kid...found it all that much easier. and i am pretty sure the students who didn't work and had no kids were struggling thru it all too cuz many of them never made it thru to graduation...it was freaking hard for everyone..the struggles were sometimes unique but a lot of it was the same.
i think it comes down to a personal choice on how much struggling we are each willing to take. some days i can juggle like a pro..and somedays i drop the balls at my feet and pick them up to toss up again. and somedays..i just don't want to either pick them up or keep them flying up in the air.
i am back onto my retirement daydreaming kick again...a normal home, with a working stove so i can bake cookies and homemade bread for our upcoming bake sale..... a slow start on some mornings where i just piddle around in my slippers (sigh..i have NO slippers right now) without a mile long list hanging over my head.
i know the grass is always seems greener on the other side of the fence...but i am pretty sure the grass is REALLY much thicker and greener on the retirement side of the fence..... it is not getting eaten and tromped, peed and pooped on by a ton of homeless animals!
anyway, when i get sore, and as i grow older, and as i continue to worry about financing, space issues, resources in general...AND each and every individual animals health and happiness...i keeping peeking over that retirement fence and fantasizing living for real there.
there are quite a few of us that have come to saints thinking that one day they want to start their own rescue place and then change their minds for obvious reasons once they get here (the whole real and scary reality hits us smack in the face!)....my problem is..i might be changing my mind a little too far into the game.
now i am stuck trying to figure out how to move over the next few years to the other side of the fence without leaving an empty hole for the all of seniors and special needs animals who continue to need us here.
most of us are well into our middle years now and we, like the animals, are growing older each day...who is going to take over for us if the struggles, the stress and the freaking scariness of it all frightens the younger and healthier (and maybe smarter) ones all away?
that is one of the scariest parts of rescue....how and where DO you pass on the reins?
this is a new constant worry in my brain.
if you build it...they will come. so my newest worry is....what the heck happens nextÉ
(damn! i lost the question mark again and right at the end..who remembers how i fixed it last timeÉÉÉÉ)