smokey settled about midnight...he quit banging into walls and knocking over food and water bowls. i gave him a snack and he looked like he finally knew me again and then has quietly slept for the rest of the night til i woke him at 6 to make sure he was still with me..mentally and physically... he seems ok this morning.
so..i think what happens is...he bleeds enough to realize he doesn't feel right (probably feels weak...dizzy..disoriented...) and then i think he panics...big time. not unlike human patients sometimes do...
i remember a few years ago when i worked in hospice one of my patients was having a really bad day. we were scrambling to readjust her meds to help restore her comfort again. at one point she went into a panic and cried...is this it? am i dying now?..she was so utterly afraid because she was not ready to go. we said no not yet, it is ok, it is just a bad day, you will feel better again soon. she did pass away a few weeks later...i wasn't there but the nurses told me it was a peaceful death... by then she was ready..she had done what she she needed to do, she had sorted out all of the things that were frightening and confusing her....when the end came, i think she accepted and understood and was ready.
i wonder if smokey feels the same? the problem is...he can't come out and just ask, what is happening to me..is this the actual moment of my end? and we can't tell him (we have to show him) that he is safe and ok.
death like birth...and like living..is a process. sometimes the process is over in the blink of an eye...sometimes it is a long sloping, barely perceptable slide...until we hit the bumps. and those bumps shock and scare us.
the bottom line is..we are all born to eventually die..it is the days inbetween that matter the most and how we live them....that determines the sum of our actual life.
smokey is a great dog....i hope there are not any more bumps at the end of his road...it upsets us both...i hope he has many more barn/memorial garden/extra treat days ahead..that is what he likes the best.