at the end of the day...what is it that really matters?
we all dream of our "heart" dogs...those figments of our imaginations that fit inside of us like god put them there on purpose to be our best friend. they just naturally become an extenson of us who not only can read our minds but understand and still love the complicated person inside.
and then there are the phoebe dogs..the irritating, in your face at all the wrong times, pain in the asses...the ones that pretty much never get anything right.
i am looking at her, avoiding her tongue as she is flpping around behind me in my computer chair doing the face rape with her always reptilian cool tongue like she does every single freaking morning...and i am thinking..phebers, you are starting to look old... just like me (except she doesn't have my old sticky up hair and wrinkles doing the mapping thing on her face like me.) and am thinking...we are growing old together..this neurotic, hyperactive, snarling, biting, red (and now grey) whirling wonder and me.
heart dog?...not even close here..you guys had to raise 10 grand for saints to get me to make her part of my family.
heart dog? ok..well... maybe... cuz what does heart dog really, in reality... mean?
does it mean a lifetime of caring? cuz we have already put in close to 8 years together...and i see another hopefully half a dozen or more before us (depending on her true but unknown real age.) does it mean always standing there together no matter what? cuz we have that going for us too. does it mean loving and trying to work thru the tough days, the best that we can? cuz like neither of us has any real choice in that.
so what does a real heart dog actually mean..not the imaginary figment of my imagination?...but the real live, breathing, thinking, feeling thing?
it means that phoebe and i will share the good times, the bad times, the times we drive each other crazy. it means we will love each other even when we are mad or frustrated or think the other is a royal pain in the ass.
it means that at the end of our days together, both of us will be really, heartbreaking sad.
i was stupid...i never realized that phoebe could ever be my "heart" dog...but silly me...of course she can....all i had to do was let her into my heart and it just naturally began.
ok...quit licking me you little freak, i am trying to type this...and yes...i "get " it.