i want to talk about this more...not to beat it death, not to wear a hairshirt of shame...not to look for others to blame

i want to look at this honestly and critically and learn.
firstly..i talked to the vet today..i asked her if it was wrong to let nature take its course and she pretty much said everything that i had already considered so i think my decision making in the final regard was ok.

i also asked her why threeseys front legs were immobile and flaccid against her chest and belly? why were they not positioned and moving like the other babes...was she deformed?
she said it was probably a birth paralysis from being in the birth canel too long.
oh...that made sense.

i know a couple of things all on my own.... like...for animals...birth is not a social event. the moms feel vulnerable and the babes are certainly vulnerable and birthing moms prefer to go off by themselves and take care of this difficult business of birthing all on their own.

it is humans that think it is some kind of warm and fuzzy miracle or that we may need to step in and save them all..animals think it is dangerous, difficult and harsh and nature has given them the instinct to know what to do.

i also know that gracie did in fact check out her baby because she chewed the umbilcal cord that was still attached to her uterus. the babe was out and no longer attached to the placenta, gracie took care of that cuz none of us cut that cord. so i think grace knew right away that this last baby was not as she should be.

i wll tell you what i am afraid of..that this is my fault. i saw that she had given birth and i peeked to see if the babes were ok and then i left to drain charlotte's abcess. i did not tell everyone else to stay out of there, to not go into her pen. i thought it was fine if folks quietly peeked in over the side...i thought she was done.
but now i think that she wasn't finished and she was hanging on to that last babe until she felt alone and safe. and finally she couldn't hold on anymore and had no choice but it was too late..threesey had been stuck in the birth canel for too long and now her front legs didn't work.

to me this is a logical sequence of events and i was the one responsible for the mistakes.
i should have immediately closed the door and left and kept everyone out except for basic priority care for the first couple of days until mom and babes were recovered.

this would have been respectful of gracie and the babies needs. but i and everyone else got caught up in the sweetness and cuteness and did not consider the harsh reality....animals prefer to give birth alone, undisturbed and on their own terms. our presence is not requested..we impose our need to witness the miracle of new life on the throes of someone struggling to get thru it....really not respectful or fair.

i don't know if there was more or less to the reasons why threesy couldn't survive..all i do know is...

i will never, in any shape or form, interfer in an animal's birth process again. i don't need to see the cute babies within minutes of birth..i need to give the mom space and privacy to take care of birthing her babies the best that she can.