i am doing the whole reguritation thing over wilburs death. the what if's, the maybe's, and could be's... drive me insane. it is because i don't have a solid gut feeling on why he was suffering so. maybe i will feel i for sure did the right thing for him once the lab reports come back.
i hope so.
i can deal ok with losses...so many times the deaths here are inevitable...cancers, end stage disease, extreme age related system failures..i get that..and i am ok with it. but i am not ok when we have a death and we are guessing..was it this or that?..was it physical or emotional or mental? because the approach to dealing with those very varied things is different...treating something as an emotional or mental health problem is totally different then treating something that is from chronic pain.
i am not going to settle inside until those reports come back with a definitive answer on why wilbur was suffering. and i am truly afraid they will come back with no answer..that they couldn't find anything wrong inside this little pig...and then i won't know that we tried everything in the right direction and luckily guessed correctly for what he needed.
i am telling you the worst thing in rescue is the utter and complete burden of responsibilty of getting it right for each animal here. getting it wrong just cannot be.
"i should have" guilt is a terrible thing.