but so far..it really has been a very tough year..erin counted them for me today...since january 1st 4 saints fosters and 14 saints residents have died...these are all animals that i cared deeply about..they are the reason i do rescue. my friend deanna died and left me an unconquerable mess, my own frightening family crises, staffing issues, animal issues with fletch and odie just about putting me over the edge and then out of the blue the "you ain't vegan" shot.
you know...this is a freaking really hard road. i can barely recall any easy days cuz lately the bad ones just seem to take over. sometimes i just want to shout out at the world...give me a freaking break. i am not freaking god or some kind of saint. i am just a ordinary person who has a helluvalot on my plate.
the expectations of others that you have to be all things to all people sometimes drives me insane.
for chrissakes...no one else seems to have the same expectations of themselves...i don't see them out there busting their guts, putting every single thing they have on the line, giving every freaking human or animal who crosses their path at least the attempt of a chance. they just look down their nose and tally up my long list of inadequate woes.
and i am not out there looking for them...oh no...they come here to find me instead.
i could sit here and write shit about 101 people..i could list all kinds of other people's failings crap..i could build myself up by knocking others down and pretend i feel good and righteous about it.
but i don't and i won't.
i don't know the answers to everything..shit i don't know the answers to very much at all. but i know my problems belong to me and others people's problems do not. so why can't they figure the same thing out?
i am pretty damn sure they have their own "not so great, i could do better" issues to work on at home....if you want to pee on a parade, it is less offensive if you pee on one that you own.
anyway..i am being pissy here because i have to be nice to odie. my bad mood cannot hit the animals so it ends up hitting the blog.
good for them...sucks for you...and for me it is a release to blow off some steam from this pressure cooker i live in.
i can stand the heat in the kitchen but i do think it is rude and unecessary to stroll over here just to burn me. for what? for rescuing hundreds of animals, for holding most of them when they die? how does that make me the bad guy???
(maybe now that i am getting it out my self pity will end....or maybe you are in for a long one..hope floats that it won't go on for too much more.)