in rescue, it will always be people stuff that brings you to your knees. and I think that is odd...why is it that we are far safer with animals then we are with our own species?
I try to figure this out, lately more often than usual. and I still can't quite get it. the animals here sometimes hurt me..my hands, my arms, my neck, my butt and my leg...all bear the old faint scars of someone's teeth.....so many of them have broken my heart either in their deaths or in witnessing the pain in which they were living. there is no doubt that many, many times, more times then I can ever count, these animals have hurt me.
and I can count probably on just one single hand, the numbers of times a human has truly hurt me. so why do their wounds hurt more? why is that pain more ever lasting, why is that sometimes so hard to accept and eventually let go?
I don't freaking know. we must be the super power of really, REALLY hurting someone or something.
how sad. we have such potential to do, to be, something good. we have these bodies that can do so many amazing things, we have these brains that can imagine and create reality of our dreams. we have hearts and souls that if we just let them, have the ability to soar while we experience the wonderous gift of loving and living. and since we have taken over the planet and pushed ourselves above all other living things...we are the only species to have the actual power to be able to choose how, where, when, what, and why we choose to do our living.
and what do we do? we spend it taking, hurting, grabbing, expecting, wanting, something...anything... everything. sometimes in just little bits, sometimes in great big mouthfuls.
why are we as humans always trying to fill ourselves from something outside? why can we not fill ourselves up with the gifts that god so generously built into us, inside?
I don't get it. I don't understand it.
I know that I am the captain of my own life. I am the one who gets to decide. it is not the people now or in the past around me or the animals with whom I share my life that define me. I have decided who I am. I have decided how to live each new day. I have defined myself each and every single day of my life.
some days I have done it better than others. there things I have done that I could feel proud of and others that cloak me in shame.
I don't know why with people I sometimes sag to my knees..but maybe it is because I have forgotten something like, I carry my own personal power inside of me independently. maybe I know it with the animals but for some reason I forget it when confronted by some people things.