open throat

i swear it is hopeless..there is absolutely no point in hoping that some day, people will get it. there are thousands of various posts on this blog about what rescue costs. I am not talking about money..i am talking about what you have to be willing to give up. forget the sleepless nights, the aches and pains from living a 24 hour day, 365 days a year, the gallons of tears shed in the dark when you finally alone, forget the loss of privacy and personal emotional safety. you suck up the shots in the back and being the brunt of ignorant jokes. you build walls to protect yourself from the almost constant bitching and negativity and neediness and judgements that threatens to suck everything you have out. you stop having friendships because friends are a liability in rescue,. they want something in return that you do not have to give...time, engagement, recognition, appreciation, validation....something, just something, so they know you are their friend. but when?

when you give 100% of everything you have, everything you are to your work, to your family, to rescue...when are you going to have more to give away?

you aren't so you stop having friends.

it is hard to always trust the motives of others when you have been robbed off and on over the years,,robbed of money, robbed of materials and equipment, robbed of my own personal possessions, robbed of reputation, robbed of time, energy, effort, of truth, respect and trust.

and despite this...i still let people in, i wait and see..is this person a benefit or another liability? are they here for the animals or are they here for themselves? luckily most do come here for the animals. because the ONLY payment in rescue is a job well done. no one has to see it, no one has to appreciate it, no one has to recognize it, no one has to give a shit except the animals, that is the only payment in rescue.

so many people say they want to be me. really? you want to spend your life not being good enough, not being nice enough, not being friendly enough, not being politically correct enough, not being thankful enough, not doing rescue well enough to suit every single person who has 1001 expectations of you? because that is the reality of rescue..you will be a major disappointment to more than a few.

I am one of the few rescuers who doesn't hate people..i am one of the few that am willing to open my home to all of the feet who want to walk thru, I am one of the few that will actually allow people to develop individual, independent and respectful personal relationships with the animals, I am one of the few that will accept and shoulder the risks involved in all of this.

and I will suck up the bullshit that has nothing to do with the actual work of rescue because I am serious about saints and the animals within my care. and I will suck it up because it is utterly hopeless that it will ever change...it is what it is....you win some, you lose some, you are up on a pedestle and then down in the mud..its the circle of rescue...up and down and down and up, around and around, year after year.

whatever, I will still get my rescue work done.