Rescue Journal

not chopped liver

Carol · Jan 19, 2014

well..i might have been dumped by one of my two new dogs but bobby is proving himself 100% loyal to sleeping curled up next to me. I am thinking about his name...he was originally bob, then beau so I settled on bobby...but I am thinking he is more like a Robert or robby to me....it seems to fit him better than bob, bobby or beau.

we'll see.

woke up at 0630 to little nick barking again...this time she wasn't wrapped up in cords, this time she was just being bossy. but I got up anyway because I was afraid the tape had fallen off so I had to get up and check...always better safe than sorry.

last day of vacation..it wasn't much of a vacation but at least it was 11 days of not doing double duty. and I did get some of my own stuff done...kitchen cupboards tidied inside, some cooking and laundry done and my own new dogs comfortably settled and safe before I go back to work again. on the emotional front, I bitched and whined and shed a few frustrated tears over the bullshit things in rescue that pile up over time and drive me insane. and now I get to go back to work in my nursing version of the real world where a lot this shit never happens. that in itself will be a bit of a reverse vacation from saints.

I have been giving some thought to how I can stop being caught up in screwing up over something said or not said. and this will sound stupid to you but one of the ways I can keep myself out of continued conflict is no longer, ever saying thank you.

huh???

think about it..thank you has two different sides...depending on who hears it and to whom it is directed. it can be a warm and fuzzy acknowledgement of something nice or it can be a cold hearted shot in the heart to a forgotten soul if the words go somewhere else then where they were also deserved. I don't have time to say thank you to everyone for every single thing ever done..sometimes I forget, sometimes I do not see someone for weeks afterwards, and sometimes I am just so focused on other things that I miss seeing a lot of the stuff being done....it is the reality and reality sometimes sucks.

sure as shit if I am on the ball and actually notice something nice and single out a single person or group for something they did, it is going to upset others. and when I occasionally try to list as many as I can about something or everything possible, sure as shit I will innocently forget to mention one or two or someone(s) or something(s) that has done something really good too... and that is hurtful to those I neglect.

it is one of those no win situations... damned if you do...damned if you don't. there are just too many good people doing too many good things for me to keep up to the thank you's on. I could do it if I just sat at my desk and kept adding to the list and ticking names and deeds off while being on top of doing the proverbial thank you cards...but I have too much other stuff I really have to do and that list just keeps growing on and on like jacks magic beanstalk.

and honestly...do any of us really need thank you's? is that why we are here to be acknowledged, recognized, validated for the good things we all do together here? if I can easily survive without a thousand thank you's for every single thing that I do here, I think others are able to too as long as I am not sending out some and forgetting to send out others because then the non receipt of it feels personal and unkind.

anyway...from now thank you is simply a given but forever unsaid.

every day i truly am grateful and thankful to everyone who comes here at anytime to help the animals in our care. how could I not be when they themselves are so very important to me? but I ain't saying or writing it any more to anyone or for anything, two simple words said or unsaid are not worth the trouble, heart ache and dissension when I forget or neglect to mention everyone. and I just can't do it..i can't carry that long of an ever changing and evolving list reliably around in my head...my head just isn't that good.

so let me just start out our new thankless days with one final universal thought to all...I do thank you all from the bottom of my heart, I do thank you for caring about the animals here and helping them in so many ways even tho I am going to try really hard to never say it again.

we are moving into the thankless days where all the thanks we will ever get will be the smiles, the love and the gratitude in the animals eyes.

and trust me...that will be enough for us all.

as an added but related aside...in the future I will also no longer be writing the obituairies on the foster animals when they pass. I will simply write an acknowledgement that they have passed and the foster families may (or not) at their own discretion write in the comments more personally about the animal that they so loved and lost. I think this is better for all.

Comments

Carol

the issue for me tho is saints...I have to somehow deal with the insidious negativity that the thankless feel here.
I can continue to try to thank everyone as much as I possibly can but quite frankly that isn't working all that great or there wouldn't be the underground, behind my back problems we are having now.

I have tried to ignore it but it is just getting bigger.

I have tried in many general posts to explain that it is not that I am not grateful, because I truly am..it is just that I have a ton of stuff on my plate everyday and even when I am really trying to recognize and thank folks, someone always feels left out and hurt...so explaining hasn't worked either.

I can be the heartless bitch and just tell the ones who are so dissatisfied by who I am to move on to greener pastures with a better and nicer person in charge so they can be happier and feel more appreciated. but the fact of the matter is I know how much most people love this place and these animals and I do not want to hurt people that way.

or I can just across the board say..ok go ahead and hate me, yes, I admit it... I suck. but I will not participate in an unreasonable and unfair thanking competition that I cannot possibly or humanly win. and so I simply refuse to ever utter the words thank you here again.

honestly...sometimes I just want to scream...what the hell do people expect of me???? it is not enough that the animals are happy and well cared for, it is not enough that saints is successful and well respected. the huge burning issue here is..i don't say thank you well enough???
it has been suggested that that the only way I will win this is to stand at the gate 24 hours a day, 7 days a week and thank every single person personally as they enter and leave..that way I won't ever miss anybody.

i can think of 120 reasons why that plan won't work either.
this whole thanking thing is totally and completely FRUSTRATING the hell out of me.
if someone has the "perfectly right for every single person" answer to this... please let me know because i am just about ready to shoot myself.

oh...and sorry for the very blunt but honest vent...i needed it, i get really tired of being the bad guy around here.

Leila

Oops, just read this over. I meant It WASN'T expected in regards to receiving the 2 emails not was expected.

Leila

Thank yous are can be tricky thing. I don’t think it is so easy to just leave them out of our lives. I was at a dog event yesterday and one of the judges from the event thanked one of the participants in the audience. He trains service dogs to work with people with PTSD. This man had saved a friend of hers who suffers from PTSD (gave him a reason for getting up in the morning) by placing a service dog in his home and working with him to train the dog. I don’t know if the judge had planned to say this or it was spontaneous. I could tell that she was emotionally effected by what she was saying. I don’t know if the man wanted the public thank you. Maybe he did. Even if he did want a public attention/affirmation/acceptance, I think it was still a nice thank you and one that touched me. No matter what his reasons for wanting a public thank you, what he does is important and I think it should be acknowledged. So to me, that was a good thank you.
The ritual of public thanks you(s) in newsletters, public forums, award ceremonies can often cause public or even private hurt feelings. Those are the thank you(s) that can become politically or un-politically correct. This is when the thank you becomes a tool for negative energy. Certainly there are those people who crave and want thank you(s) for their work be it charitable or employment. There is some kind of saying that goes like what you crave or want, you may never get. In these circumstances, I think one needs to look to oneself and ask why is it so important that you receive the words “thank you”. What is it giving you that it fills a need in you and what can you change about yourself so that there is not such a need to gain affirmation/acceptance from others rather than from yourself.
There are other kinds of thanks you too that I think are good thank ones. I am like Linda (previous poster) in that I was taught by my parents to say thank you and please. I thank people who serve me in restaurants, retail, banks, contractors etc. I say it to the dogs when they lick me in greeting. It is my way of saying I acknowledge your attention. I like receiving thank yous too ---- not the public kind as that is just embarrassing. Over the holidays, we received 2 very shortly written private emails with from 2 separate shelter managers thanking us for the extra help we gave some special needs dogs. It was expected and wasn’t necessary as both me and Sheila would continue to volunteer our time. As Carol says, we volunteer our time for the animals. If I didn’t enjoy the experience or think the animals enjoyed the experience, I would quit. But I sure did appreciate the thank yous from a human. It made me feel appreciated in a very human way. I don’t ask for it but sometimes I will get a spontaneous thank yous (not a forced or practiced or part of the routine of what you say to the public kind of thank you) from a shelter staff as I am leaving – just a spontaneous thank you for coming in. That always makes me feel good about myself about the institution I just volunteered in.

Carol

lol..well she would be right in thinking that about me cuz I lose all kinds of stuff too! I have been looking for the van keys for days now...cannot find them ANYWHERE! luckily renee finally found the spare.

heidi

awesome...she thinks everyone is like me and loses or forgets things.

Carol

not too worry Heidi...the donation went straight into the safe and your mom will get a thank you card too! ann is way better at this than me, she has everything entered on a spread sheet!~

Brent

Your blog, your forum, your world I totally get it. In "my world" I will continue to thank the humans that deserve my respect.

heidi

I get your position on not thanking everyone or anyone...people do get their nose out of joint if they are not recognized, and it is difficult to acknowledge everyone for every little thing that someone does...I've seen this in non rescue as well...at my moms apt they had a monthly news letter and people would be thanked for making the coffee, putting away chairs etc. but if they forgot someone it was a big deal!! Or they would complain about why every little thing was being thanked for...can't win.

My mom was concerned (mostly that I didn't lose it or it got misplaced)that her note and donation made into a safe place?? No thanks is necessary:)!!.

My neighbors really enjoyed their tour and will be out again.

The place looks awesome and so do the animals!!!!

penny

Carol, you're absolutely right. It's the animals at Saints who say "thank you" to us. It melts my heart when one of the bunnies comes up to rub noses, or to have it's ears stroked. Or a new cat in the medical room, who's been through a horrible time, gets brave enough to come out of it's hidey place to say hello. My favorite time on Sunday morning is when all the cleaning is done, and the bunnies are curled up sleeping contentedly with their buddies, well fed, well loved and happy. That's thanks enough.

Carol

when thank you's become an expected payment and their lack becomes a resentment..its time to discontinue their use. if no one says thank you to me for the next ten years here.... it will not in any way devalue or minimize the work that I actually do.

today several of us sat on my bed and made overtures of friendship to luna and june and I am willing to bet that every single one of us left that room feeling that being here today and working with and for these guys is all so very worthwhile and good. and I made sure that even while I was thinking how kind and gentle everyone was with these 2 nervous dogs and how appreciative I was for this..i never did actually say thank you. I don't think anyone cared.

I am pretty sure I am transitioning bobby to robbie so I can play around with his name when I am talking to him..i like calling him Robert de Bruce when he strutting along full of confidence and personal power..it suits him. and for the softer, sweeter moments, Robbie will do.

and yes penny...luna is just so very lovely! she did really good today meeting everyone new...that bed is so great of a tool for making the scary just little bit less scary for both luna and june.

penny

Bertie is kind of adorable - it suits him somehow. He's the cutest little dog - he waddles!!! Luna is just gorgeous.

Linda

Hmmm, I would rethink the no "thank-you" thing. I have a friend who never, ever says these words and it really bothers me. He can come over for dinner and have a wonderful meal that took hours to prepare ..... not a thank-you. I can help him at his house .... not a thank-you. I could save him from drowning and I'm sure these words would not come out of his mouth. I was raised and I raised my son that a simple "thank-you" is expected in certain circumstances, NOT to say it, is just rude. You may miss a time or two or three but that is okay. To never utter it, is not okay.

erin

not robert! robbie, robear, robo, even frickin bert, pleeeeeeaaaase not robert gah