well..i might have been dumped by one of my two new dogs but bobby is proving himself 100% loyal to sleeping curled up next to me. I am thinking about his name...he was originally bob, then beau so I settled on bobby...but I am thinking he is more like a Robert or robby to me....it seems to fit him better than bob, bobby or beau.
woke up at 0630 to little nick barking again...this time she wasn't wrapped up in cords, this time she was just being bossy. but I got up anyway because I was afraid the tape had fallen off so I had to get up and check...always better safe than sorry.
last day of vacation..it wasn't much of a vacation but at least it was 11 days of not doing double duty. and I did get some of my own stuff done...kitchen cupboards tidied inside, some cooking and laundry done and my own new dogs comfortably settled and safe before I go back to work again. on the emotional front, I bitched and whined and shed a few frustrated tears over the bullshit things in rescue that pile up over time and drive me insane. and now I get to go back to work in my nursing version of the real world where a lot this shit never happens. that in itself will be a bit of a reverse vacation from saints.
I have been giving some thought to how I can stop being caught up in screwing up over something said or not said. and this will sound stupid to you but one of the ways I can keep myself out of continued conflict is no longer, ever saying thank you.
think about it..thank you has two different sides...depending on who hears it and to whom it is directed. it can be a warm and fuzzy acknowledgement of something nice or it can be a cold hearted shot in the heart to a forgotten soul if the words go somewhere else then where they were also deserved. I don't have time to say thank you to everyone for every single thing ever done..sometimes I forget, sometimes I do not see someone for weeks afterwards, and sometimes I am just so focused on other things that I miss seeing a lot of the stuff being done....it is the reality and reality sometimes sucks.
sure as shit if I am on the ball and actually notice something nice and single out a single person or group for something they did, it is going to upset others. and when I occasionally try to list as many as I can about something or everything possible, sure as shit I will innocently forget to mention one or two or someone(s) or something(s) that has done something really good too... and that is hurtful to those I neglect.
it is one of those no win situations... damned if you do...damned if you don't. there are just too many good people doing too many good things for me to keep up to the thank you's on. I could do it if I just sat at my desk and kept adding to the list and ticking names and deeds off while being on top of doing the proverbial thank you cards...but I have too much other stuff I really have to do and that list just keeps growing on and on like jacks magic beanstalk.
and honestly...do any of us really need thank you's? is that why we are here to be acknowledged, recognized, validated for the good things we all do together here? if I can easily survive without a thousand thank you's for every single thing that I do here, I think others are able to too as long as I am not sending out some and forgetting to send out others because then the non receipt of it feels personal and unkind.
anyway...from now thank you is simply a given but forever unsaid.
every day i truly am grateful and thankful to everyone who comes here at anytime to help the animals in our care. how could I not be when they themselves are so very important to me? but I ain't saying or writing it any more to anyone or for anything, two simple words said or unsaid are not worth the trouble, heart ache and dissension when I forget or neglect to mention everyone. and I just can't do it..i can't carry that long of an ever changing and evolving list reliably around in my head...my head just isn't that good.
so let me just start out our new thankless days with one final universal thought to all...I do thank you all from the bottom of my heart, I do thank you for caring about the animals here and helping them in so many ways even tho I am going to try really hard to never say it again.
we are moving into the thankless days where all the thanks we will ever get will be the smiles, the love and the gratitude in the animals eyes.
and trust me...that will be enough for us all.
as an added but related aside...in the future I will also no longer be writing the obituairies on the foster animals when they pass. I will simply write an acknowledgement that they have passed and the foster families may (or not) at their own discretion write in the comments more personally about the animal that they so loved and lost. I think this is better for all.