i get lost in the babble of voices telling me how to be me. and it finally occurred to me today...open my eyes, look around me...look at my family, look at my nursing, look at these animals, look at saints.
holy shit carol, am i freaking crazy? i am doing it..i am being the me that i wanted to be. and i have done it by not being perfect, by being humanly flawed, i have done it while being who i am and not someone else.
erin and i took pac and luna swimming again tonight and i realized..both of those dogs adore me. almost all of the dogs adore me and those that don't?..well.... they still like me a lot. all of the animals here like me..whats not to like? i not only gave them a kind and decent home with top quality care but i gave every single one of them, past, present and future something that no one else would...a dignified second chance.
count the animals here that have touched me, count the ones that have passed away, count the ones that were lucky enough to be moved in with fosters or were adopted. those animals hit the end of their roads and ended up...here.
i have been babbled to death and i have heard it all..i suck because i am not vegan, i suck because someone doesn't like what i write on the blog, i suck because i bring up a few hopeless wrecked seniors from the high kill LA shelters every couple of years, i suck because i euth too early or i suck because i euth too late, i suck because i dared to help senior horses, i suck because i won't let the barn guys eat grass clippings, i suck because i don't smile enough and i suck because i do not say thank you enough. i have even sucked for not being a lesbian (go figure that!)....i suck and i suck and i suck...
except the 650 last chance, old wrecked animals that i have taken in here say...in the grand scheme of things...they don't really think i suck all that much.
in any case..however much i suck and in however many ways..please tell me what does that have to do with the animals that we work so hard to save?
do you think they still need vet care? do you think they still might like to be fed? do you think they may want a soft and clean bed with a decent roof over their heads?
i have got to stop being baffled and babbled to death by the bullshit of rescue. it sucks the will to rescue right out of me...
pretty fucking sad for the animals who actually need me when i am so lost in the never ending babbling BS of rescue that i sometimes don't know where i am.