for the last couple of days i have been trying to figure out what is up with me and my lack of energy...am i sick? burnt out? just overtired?
i think it is none of the above. i think i am simply disheartend. we all try so hard and we work so hard and this rescue life just keeps on being harder than hard...too many animals needing help, too many broken promises, too many things beyond our control, too many things that just don't go the way they are supposed to go..it is hard to sometimes keep hope afloat.
it's not like i expect to win the lottery (altho that actually would be nice!) its just 10 years of struggling to find a space for hundreds of unwanted ones. 10 years of trying to make the real oddballs fit in, 10 years where the only two outcomes we have is happily ever after in homes of their own or a peaceful and gentle death from here (and death wins out more than the happily ever afters because our guys are so messed up to begin with.) and its 10 years of struggling to fill the volunteer shifts, 10 years of struggling to pay the bills, 10 years of wear and tear on our home AND on us as we all try to soldier on to help even more... year after year.
and it is not that i am not grateful for the good things we have and had..the kindness and generosity of our supportors, volunteers and staff..its just that they don't ever get a break from our constant need either. and that has to suck for them.
so why can't the powers that be just see what we do and try to make it just a little bit easier? where is the harm of shooting a winning lottery ticket our way? its not like we wouldn't put it to good use. what we do here is not better just because it is hard..it would still be pretty darn good even if it was easier.
tell me? is this a test? and if so..when does it end? and please don't say in another 10 years cuz i am not going thru this shit for another entire decade.
am i being tested? and what for anyway..my committment? or maybe to see how long it takes until i have to be committed..like in a facility somewhere?
look whoever...skip the lotto..just make the goddamn freaking grass grow and i will shut up with my whining for a little while and maybe get a bit of a better happy face on.
that sounds like a pretty good (and easy) deal.