i can't sleep...my back is in full spasm..i am sure it is a combo of stress, lack of sleep yesterday and lifting and moving heavy objects in the shop with the dozen corporate volunteers who were here for their annual community volunteer day yesterday. arghhh...this is not a good time for a bad back session.
whatever...it is what it is and i can't wish it away.
altho, if i was going to wish anything away right now, it wouldn't be a bad back...i would wish tuesday completely away.
some days it is hard to keep going, it's hard to put one foot in front of the other to get past the heartache, the sometimes actual horror. some days you just want to stand still and peer into that black abyss that just sucked the light out of your soul once again.
rescue is such a fucked up gig.
i think that is why i get so mad at the fairy tale seekers. animals are not just warm and fuzzy photos...they are real. and the reality is that animals are persons...beautiful but sometimes broken by real life just like we are.
it is easy to point fingers and lay the blame somewhere else for all of the brokeness inside us all. but it really is just life that chipped away our bits...life is itself not personal, and it is not always nice...sometimes it is just freaking hard.
and on days like today, this realization pisses me off.
why can't life be nice?
i think god got the whole freaking thing totally wrong.
life doesn't always make you stronger. sometimes it just breaks your back.