black and white

plus 50 shades of grey.

that's rescue in a nutshell.

I did not want katy to die...I wanted her to live happily ever after here. it has taken me a long time to accept that what I want and what I get in rescue are not usually the same things.

two new little sheep in...cinder looks to me to be an older girl, she has very painful feet and she is very thin..we will be working on helping her feel better and stronger. little gus is a young adult and is not in too bad of shape. he still needs to be castrated but we will wait a bit for that until he has had a chance to settle in.

I spent the last couple of days out at the cottage, just came home once to be here with katy while she passed away. I took Robbie up with me for the first night and big brown buddy with me for the second night..they both really enjoyed themselves.

who knew that buddy loved to chase squirrels? squirrels do not hang around saints very much. he sat outside with me in the sunny back yard (he was sitting, I was working doing yard and patio cleaning) scanning every single tree just waiting for some squirrel to show their face and then he was off running!

buddy is the perfect restful cabin dog...not a pain in the butt like some of the others have proven to be.

as soon as I got home tonight, I walked into the front yard and immediately got pissed right off.

arghhh..the yards look so freaking horrible..the ground is destroyed. damn dogs. I lost the battle for green lawns last year..i will not lose this year. I am formulating a plan and if this doesn't work, I will admit defeat and just gravel the suckers and be done with it all. if I want to look at a green lawn, I will go back out to the cottage instead.

anyway..back to the title...black and white and 50 shades of grey....

I am learning that I cannot possibly explain every single minutia about rescue life. folks are going to get the parts they want to get. I work fulltime outside of saints and I have 130 animals, 5 employees, 30-40 volunteers I am responsible for...and a pretty bad memory. most folks do not get what all of this means..like I am not always available, every second counts, daily life constantly changes without any warning, sometimes I desperately need quiet, do not disturb mental health days and my poor aging brain can only handle so many things.

I think I have a couple of folks currently annoyed with me..the first wanted a private birthday tour this weekend...a group of 10 kids I think. I couldn't do it cuz I am working but offered to do it next weekend when I am off. I never heard back so I am assuming that was the wrong answer. and then there was the appointment I made weeks ago with someone for Thursday. I couldn't remember why we were meeting and was dumb enough to say I couldn't remember and ask for a memory refresh while sincerely apologizing for forgetting....never heard back...maybe honesty is NOT the best policy?.

but here is the thing...life is a test. every time I am successful at juggling, every time that I fail and drop some balls..i learn a few things. I learn things about myself and my own limitations and I learn things about other people as well. I do not live in a vacuum alone. it says something about me when I disappoint..but how folks react to that disappointment says something too.

and that is the 50 shades of grey in rescue...sometimes we think the whole world is climbing on our backs like we are the god atlas or something. when really we can only carry what we are able to carry. people have feet and they can choose which direction to get those feet to move in. a minor disappointment from me is a mere bump in the road..it is not the end of the world and it is certainly not personal. in the big scheme of things...I am sometimes just an unintentional minor inconvenience.

and really in the giant kazillion things that all make up rescue...there are some really big black and white things... but mostly?....not black, not white...just vague shades of grey stuck somewhere in between.

the lawns, visitors...grey.

the new sheep and their needs...definitely not grey.

and katy's death was big.