losing phoebe and benny within a few months is brutal. its not just the loss of much loved companions, its the guilt that accompanies it of how their lives could have been better.
don't get me wrong..i am not blaming me..i gave them the best i could within the constraints of living in an animal sanctuary.
but the truth of the matter is, this home i can provide is a slow second best...and yeah, it is a heck of a lot better than continued suffering or imminent death.
still...when you love someone, you want the very best for them...like a home of their own, like a forever friend and constant trusted companion they don't have to share.
in doing this..i can't ever do that.
and here is the thing...phoebe and benny came to me because i rescue. neither one of those dogs hit the euthanization wall without any option to save them. rosie with her broken legs has a home waiting where she will never be hurt ever again, roger who comes here to live before he dies, and mojo got to lay safely at someones feet while terrified of fireworks exploding outside.
i know why i do this, i know what kind and good things saints brings to these hopeless and helpless animals lives....
i know it but it will never be near good enough, not for the ones that i love and weep for as i hold them as they die.