you never really learn to trust yourself in rescue. you hope, you try to have faith, you doubt, you second guess, you try to predict what is coming next. and you accept the fact that you are no more endowed with all of the right answers out there, then anyone else.
and so you wait.
and it is the waiting that occupies your brain..the what if's, if only's, the might's, the could's.
and the rest of the world takes a foggy step away as the brain wanders along, lost in the forest of maybe's.
and sometimes in the waiting line..you gut knows what is coming but you are afraid to take an active role in life and death's game just on the off chance that your gut got it wrong.
you learn in rescue never to trust..not in yourself, not in others, not in the fickle fingers of fate because life has a bad habit of breaking, bending, or changing the rules of the fairness game.
you are not alone in life's waiting room dear aggie...there are many of us waiting along side of you.