Not for any real reason yet, just for what's to come. I got off of work this morning and came home to pick up Boo and drop her at the vets for her final and complete dental extractions. They will keep her for a couple of days before her surgery to medicate with pre-op antibiotics and a week following for post-op treatment. This is going to be such a very tough week for her and I couldn't even promise her that this will fix her discomfort once and for all. It might not. It felt like a betrayal leaving her there without a well known friend to help her thru this.
While I was at the vets I confirmed the home visit for Francis's euthanization tomorrow. Colleen will come out on her lunch break to help him pass from home. I feel such a sense of loss and sadness already and yet I can still hold him close in my arms. It is the guilt of ending a life and the struggle of finding the moment when that life wants to end. I think life is too hard for Francis now, moment by moment each challenge becomes such an effort for him to meet and today, I can see that the joy that balanced his effort is gone. I moved him into the cat room with Saul's arrival, and Francis's has really enjoyed being in there, it is quieter, and more peaceful. I will bring him home some pizza when I get off shift in the morning. Jean and Leila are coming to be with us and we will lay on the grass and feed him pizza and wait for the vet to help him to be free. We so wanted Francis to have our version of a fairy tale ending; his very own home, a best friend to love forever, and a final chapter that wiped out the barren solitude of the rest of his life's story. All he got was us...i hope it was good enough.