usually when he has a BM, he moves himself away, today he didn't. and he knew that i knew he needed cleaning. that started his bad mood and it was bad. deb muzzled him and held him while i cleaned him up, he was choked. anyway, he is happier tonight, half a pack of bologna has restored his equilibrium, and he apparently quite likes cat food so he is nibbling on a bowl of crunchies and is once again letting me step over top of him (he is blocking the hallway) and pet his head while i hold a bowl of water for him.
but the bottom line, he 's not going to get any better. i can fuss back and forth, and he can occasionally get up and walk a few steps here and there and make me question if i should give him some more time or not. the vet can't come before friday so his appointment is booked for then. and i think we will keep it for him too, because radar needs to be free.
i can't say that i love radar because i don't know who radar really is. but i can say that i am truly sorry it has come to this and he won't pass gently from a life he understood, life wasn't fair to radar, he lived too long and it all fell apart.
on the Brindleweb there is one lady who has this signature : Fostering a dog.......
......the gift is in the goodbye.
Maybe your gift to Radar is that you are able to let him go and let him be free. Maybe he's with you because you have the experience and the know how to let him go.
I wouldn't be surprised if Radar doesn't want anyone to give him another chance, sounds like his quality of life is pretty much gone and that he's not willing or able to adjust mentally so that he is no longer able to enjoy some things still.
It's like Mike's grandfather, he lived to be a 102 and woke up every morning crying that he was still alive. He felt he was being punished. ( he had his mental faculties till the day he died ) All he wanted to do was just go Home, he'd done everything he set out to do, he was tired, lonely, sore, ancient and the joy had gone out of his life a long time ago.
I bet had he been able to come to SAINTS, he would have told you "let's have a pizza party, give me some of that good Bailey's and then please help me to cross over"
I can't imagine how you make the choices you have to each time, but I do believe that part of your purpose here on this earth is to assist lucky animals to the Other Side when it's time. You have the gift of knowing when the animal is within the circle of "now is ok to go"
Once they are within that circle, there is no ideal day or perfect timing,they are already there and 'packed to go home'. So any time is the perfect time,seems to me that when YOU are able to let go is the most important part then.