not funny ha ha, but wierd. oh...well it is funny ha ha too cuz living with animals can be hilarious at times. but this morning i am thinking about the weirdness. in business the bottom line is profit and power and meeting the needs of the consumer. donald trump doesn't care if people like him, all he cares about is he successful and what was the profit margin and did he build a new building today.
in rescue, which is supposed to be altruistic, it should be about meeting the needs of the ones that you rescue and doing it well. but it is not. everyone knows, it is not about money, (except you need it to do the work) but any money raised is to be directly spent back on the animals. and when you show a profit on your year end balance sheet it is because those profits were spent on improving lives ( like in building improvements in animal living areas) and while everyone says we all work so hard to help and this is for the animals, it is not really true.
i know this because if it was true, people who come here and see with their own eyes that the animals here are loved and well cared for, their environments are clean and species appropriate, their medical needs are attended to, then saints is doing what it said it would do. if people come here and feel that the animals are loved and respected and even if they cause some issues or problems like rocky does with the cats, or trevor does with the sheep, or cole and copper do for me....we accept them and we still carry on and try to work it out better so everyone is happy here too.
but rescue is not about those things, cuz if it was, i wouldn't sometimes feel so unsafe. i wouldn't feel sometimes like i am walking a tight rope that with one false step would destroy the all work that i do. i wouldn't feel that sometimes it is not about the animals at all, because they are happy and safe. but when i worry about what will cause harm to them and to saints where they happen to live, it will be myself or unhappy people outside because i am absolutely useless at figuring out the human species and including me.
and i realized this morning that i have been lying to myself. i can't possibly see inside the animals as well as i think i do. because if i could, i could see into myself and the rest of my species too. and i can't. and if can't see into myself or my very own species, i know i can't possibly see into another. so i sometimes feel unsafe in my home and this place that i love because i built it based on a lie. and that really scares me.
and i think that is why rescue is such a funny life because it is the one life that you can work hard, and live it really well, be successful in terms of what you get done and for whom, you can meet all of your goals and still fail. i think that is not funny ha ha, i think that is funny as in scarey wierd. and i think that is the downside of being human. animals don't have these issues, they look at life as good or bad and they just keep living it the best that they can. but in rescue, you can live a really good life and it can still be a bad one too. it gives me a headache.
noooo...but i am thinking about asking if i can go back to work early. i really need to get back to work soon. i think there are things i can do around the office so i will talk to my bosses and see if they will let me back in yet. i think i have way too much time on my hands. i am saner when i am too busy to think.