ok, i was on my own for the house and barn today (thx john and cathie for the bunny room!) and have been a speeding bullet around here since i got home so i hope i can re-gather the thoughts i was thinking today.
i was thinking about trish most of the day and how she came here to die. she was dying when she arrived and truly, she only stayed long enough to finish what she had started. i think she was here for about 3 months or so. trish didn't love me. she didn't dislike me either...i was just here. the consistent person who touched her each day and asked her how she was feeling and gave her the medicine to stop the pain. i was the person who picked her up and put her back on her bed each night when i stumbled into the bathroom in the dark. i made sure her food bowls were refilled when the other dogs ate it and was one of the ones who gave her her favorite lunch the most often. i trimmed the crusty goopy stuff away from her eyes and made sure her bazthroom that she wanted to live in was hers for as long as she wanted it. but i was really nothing more than that to trish, she had already had her someone, somewhere else and now she was busy inside ending her life. too busy to forge a relationship with me.
funny how much i liked her for that. for her calm, stoic patience in ending her life, for her focus that was waiting and finishing with dignity what had begun more than 15 years ago.
i get so much back from all of these guys, each and every day. and trish gave me something too. a reminder that this is not about me, it is about them. it is about giving them what they want. trish wanted peace, she wanted to be cared for and comfortable and a hand delivered soft lunch each day... that was all she wanted from me because the one she might have wanted more from in terms of intimacy and love, wasn't here. not much different from some of my human patients.
the animals we choose to rescue do not have to love us or become our best friends because they get to have a choice too. and you can love someone who might not feel the same way back because love is about seeing the shining within. trish shined for me, but i didn't shine for her, that's ok because i saw her and she was beautiful....thank you trish for making me think about that. good girl.