waffling around

it is cold this morning...time to think about getting ready for winter. time to take down those sun block tarps, get rid of the fans and airconditioners and pull out the heaters (figuring out what to do about that furnace might be a good idea too.)

the excavation, gravel and cement for the new barn enclosure floor will all be done by the weekend and hopefully a week from now jeanette and percy will have their own house. i haven't quite figured out how much to close in yet and i am not sure of how much they need to be comfortable so i will be driving everyone crazy changing my mind a kazillion times over the next little while.

everyone knows that the plans they hear on monday will be something else on tuesday and by friday the reality will be something new again.

it is because i ponder and stew and turn things over a thousand times. sigh...but mostly it is because i haven't a clue what i am doing and new thoughts occur to me every time i turn around.

and the underlying driving thought is always...will they be happy.

their happiness is sometimes different then what we think. and when i go to the experts for advice, they sometimes get frustrated when i don't follow it. but there is a reason for this..because there are a million farmers and horse experts who know way more about these animals than i do in almost every respect. but they know about them in a different context than here. i know more about quality of life and emotional needs and caring for the unwell than most everybody else by virtue of what i do so many times in every single day. i do appreciate their expertise and i want to learn what they know and think so i can put it together with what i know and think to come up with an understanding that is more than either of us has alone.

it is a good goal. sometimes it doesn't always work and that is why i fuss and keep at things til i feel comfortable that this is right. it must suck to have to listen to me as i fly from point a to point b and end up at z. (or back at a yet again)

so i am apologising in advance while the new barn is underway until it becomes whatever it is supposed to be. i don't mean to be annoying, but i guarantee i will be.