after everyone left today i took a big risk and headed for a hot late afternoon soak in the tub...luckily no one else popped by so i fell asleep, for an hour! holy smoke my feet looked like they were made of melted wax.
anyway before i fell asleep, i was thinking. i was pondering the last few weeks and then this entire year. i started remembering all the challenges, right back to that fateful moment at the very beginning of this year when i laid in the snow knowing that broken ankle just really messed up my life, big time. then learning how to cope in a wheelchair and being dependent on others to do the things that i always took care of. i remembered the first time i upset my daughters and drove my van by myself (and my daughter insisting on coming with me for the first while to make sure i was safe.) i remember crying cuz i couldn't go and get groceries by myself because i couldn't hop on crutches and push a shopping cart too. i remember greeting the new incomings, trevor, and mable and molly and ellie mae with my big air boot and a massive limp. i remember all of the horrible losses, cedric, lola, jack, bill, michael, tom plus all the others. i remember the riding ring without a rain shelter or a hay shed and a garage that was a garage and not a partially finished multi purpose room. i remember the volunteers who have come and stayed and the ones that have gone on their way. i remember the conflicts that sometimes happen and fighting with the flooring company to fix the floor and the appliance store to fix the washer and dryer. the dryer and floor got fixed (sort of) and we are still working on the washer. i remember forgetting to pay the hydro bill because i was in a wheelchair and it felt like time was standing still and them cutting the gas off when we had snow (i cried that day too)....i remember a lower pasture of mud and of evenings spent nervously watching the grass grow....i remember how good it felt to take off that hated airboot for a bit and have that first hot bath alone in the house when i finally got a bench for the tub so i could do it when no one was here (much more relaxing then knowing someone is worrying that you are going to fall) and i thought of that while i was soaking in my hot bath today. i remember the ones who got sick and the ones who got better and the ones who died no matter what we did, clyde's seizures and jeanette's fall and clover spinning around in circles.
i remember alot from the last 9 months. i remember that thru most of it i felt really scared. and tonight i am still scared for wilbur and i realized something that i had forgotten.
every day is a challenge and that is normal around here.