colleen (our vet) very kindly took time out of her morning to come and help sam pass from home. he is so afraid when we have to take him out, this was a gift on such short notice. he passed quietly peacefully and without any fear on my bed.
i had her look at remy while she was here. he has been quite depressed since cleo put him in his place yesterday. this is a reality of senior rescue, dogs who are somewhat jerks like remy, garner a good portion of their quality of life in continuing to nag and go after the others. like people who have these types of personalities, it makes them feel strong and in control. take that away from them and suddenly, they feel vulnerable and weak.
i have been struggling about remy for awhile now. he was a pain with the other animals and caused alot of turmoil. but other than puncturing sweet muffins little ear and sometimes scaring the others, he was safe, just a pain in the neck. and he was happy so that his struggles with the ongoing and increasing weakness, diminishing neurological status in his back end and spine, didn't upset him that much, plus he was on a good med regime.
until, he met someone younger and stronger. remy wasn't physically hurt in that struggle, he didn't have a mark on him anywhere at all. but he lost something then and maybe he would have found it again, in a day or a week or two...who knows?
until it happened again. i would have kept remy here and managed his quirks, forever, for as long as it took. but i can't watch him take an emotional beating just because of who he is and because he is getting old and weak.
so when colleen said, she thought it was time, that maybe his quality of life was fading away now...ok. this was already in my head anyway since yesterday, so right or wrong i let him go.
remy didn't want to go yet today. i knew that as soon as the pre-med had little effect. i don't think he thought i did him any favor, and maybe i didn't. i don't know.
you were a very good dog remy, and i didn't kill you because you are a jerk, i loved you jerkiness and all. i let you go so you didn't feel weak and helpless and not strong and so no one would ever make you question yourself again. i hope that was ok.