i think alot when i am tired

stats are not one of my strongest points but i was looking at the blog stats just now....more than 8000 unique hits with a grand total of more that 200,000 hits. the blog was read more than 32,000 times in november, and december will be even higher. the greatest percentage of hits is between 8 am and 10 am and then again between 7 pm and 10 pm.

wow....except my head is not swelling, it is close to exploding...i just gave myself a raging headache.

i just figured out another burden for me to carry...the blog has got to be written with a deep and abiding sense of responsibilty. i get mad too many times, i let my feeling get hurt, i get tired and bitchy and sometimes not very smart. i simply dive head first into whatever lunacy i am currently worrying about and screw caution to the wind.

it brings to mind that my words here are a reflection not just on me, but on saints too. it brings to mind the damage that i could cause to others if my words are ill conceived.

i thought i could just get away with a honest and birds eye view of all the flaws and fallibles and failings of myself and my life as a rescuer and what that truly means while at the same time bringing to full blown real life the animals whom i love so well.

i don't think i am good or strong or smart enough to carry this burden all that gracefully. and simply because i was bored and started looking at stats that i KNOW i don't do very well, i have now scared myself shitless, i have enough failings that worry me, nothing like adding more...smooth move babe.

except with the TG post...that was real, that was right, that was what needed to be said. i posted on TG the way i did because i wanted to share what i experienced at TG, i grew up out there a bit. i could share this wonderful experience without actively seeking to harm those who don't happen to agree.

the rescue community is chocked full of different types of people with different types of personalities. we share some strengths and weaknesses and we carry others all alone. credibility for all of us has been questioned, the question of accountibility for many things have been raised...how we practice our rescue, how we conduct ourselves in public and how we view the world...are we a positive or a negative influence do we create or do we destroy?

there are grass roots groups who do great rescue work...TG, SAINTS, GSRBC, BHR, FOTA, Animal Advocates, Forgotton Felines, Katie's Place, SARS, FVHS, RCHS, HONS, Furever After, Little Paws, CARES, CSRBC, and the bully and other breed rescues.... these are just the ones that this very tired, menopausal and foggy brain can remember off hand and my getting sore two little fingers can type...so i am stopping the list.

but the point i am trying to make here is our rescue of all animals, those in our care and those in the care of others, is and has to be always our primary concern. we cannot continue to actively seek to harm others. in the past spies have been used, adopters and donors and granting foundations have been negatively contacted, flaming wars have arisen on the public internet...i have to ask here...all to what ultimate end?

there will always be people who participate in subversive and sabatoging activities that ultimately cause more harm then they ever cause any good. and i hope that we all can stop and think here about what outsiders are actually thinking about each and every one of us now. what have we just told everyone around us, not about others but about ourselves?

and now that i have given myself a full blown freaking out migraine, i think it is time to take this sore and very weary head off to bed where it currently needs to go. and tomorrow is a brand new day...i hope i can carry some of these burdens with a little bit more professionalism and grace.