i woke up with a headache, a backache plus my ankle is sore...(exactly one year ago today and i guess it wanted to remind me)
....and it is pissing down rain.
negative frame of mind here....do you know that there are few real friendships in rescue. there are within the groups themselves but not between different groups. do you know why? too much competition,...too much the grass is greener on the other side... too much lone ranger....we do things our way cuz we like our way best and we think others should like our way too.
neither makes a very good base for friendships amongst different rescuers. not a lot of respect happening there, just potential for conflict. it is too bad because i would like to have friendships with other rescuers but mostly we are all too busy to get to really know each other and mostly we don't want to anyway cuz it might get used against us somewhere down the road. forgiveness and to each their own are not big words in the rescue vocabulary.
i have a couple of friendships left outside of rescue but they will probably fall to the way side too...you cannot keep friendships that you don't invest in and i don't have much time for investing anymore.
it is an odd sort of life where mostly what you invest just takes away more from you. but then what are you going to do? balance is good but try to maintain it when animals are about to get nuked. diversity is good too (which is why i work outside of rescue) but priorities are always in conflict and it is hard working two jobs.
friends and family become another conflict of interest and it is hard to balance those out...but it is mostly tiredness that gets in your way and not enough hours in every day to keep those scales well balanced. so you just do the best that you can.
sometimes i wonder if i had it all to over, would i do it all over again? probably...i think....but i am not exactly sure, maybe not if i knew then what i knew now.
do you think this is why some people believe in reincarnation...so we can try it again to get it all right?
today i feel crappy, so i am back to worrying about what happens if one day i crap out and die...it is a big worry.