do you ever wonder how many thoughts are in my head each day?
Carol · Apr. 10, 2008
i keep track of feed stores for 12 different species, plus the specialized diets and all the various supplies and equipment needed here. my brain is a constant running/moving shopping and to-do list, and i need to keep track of the donated stuff that comes in too. storage is a huge thing that occupies my mind, and the negative effects of saints on the neighbors too.
i worry about sick animals, and medical care and costs and which vet do i want to see who. i think about dump runs and waste and pasture management, recycling, and about how people react to what i wrote on the blog. there is keeping track of who is volunteering and what happened to someone who disappeared and why did they disappear anyhow? the emails, the phone calls, the stuff that so many people tell me to remember, the drive in visitors, like the nice man yesterday who promised his daughter he would ask if they could feed the pink pig some carrots. there is rambuctious juvenile gate crashing calves who curtail my ability to unload feed, and tiny goats who seek and destroy old crippled dogs just because mugsy and cleo once weren't very welcoming, and a new naked chicken whose feather growth needs to be watched. there are endless loads of laundry and a missing washer repair guy who might actually stop that machine from leaking if he got here. there are lawyers, accountants and year ends, and upcoming fundraisers and tickets to sell, there are insurence policies and lawns that need reseeding. there is mud that is slippery and gravel to be spread, and who is cleaning the rabbits today?
there are fences that are pulled down by busy giant goats and handy guys needed to fix them. there are workload issues as the paid staff struggle to get thru all the work in the four hours only that we can afford, and there is the questions and concerns if others feel the job could be done better or if the money should be spent some other way? there is clyde and his seizures and maude with her weirdness and mrs. p. sending folks to the emergency dept. for an iv outing. dixie chick looks horrid and how can i catch a truly feral cat, and how are the vets even going to be able to diagnose and treat her, and can i follow thru here with whatever they recommend and why the hell did i take in a feral cat in the first place????
is today a good day for squirt? and is ellie on her feet? how does spritely's leg look and does sparkles still have diarrhea? why does the rabbit room smell like urine? and how do i get this crud off the americats walls? has jesse been for a walk, and has carly been for one too? and is jed out of baytril, is his heart still racing, and how much green goop is still in his eyes? how much is dex's tumour bleeding today and has anyone seen any flies yet? do we still have bleach and cat litter and are there paper towels and garbage bags too? are the feed bins full, do we have enough canned food? who just peed on that clean floor, and molly! stop walking while you poop! have the dogs been for a run, and is lexie ready to go too yet? and where the hell did raymond get to?
should i restrict access to saints? should i lock the front gate? is there any money in the bank account today? maple needs her butt cleaned, rudy needs his teeth trimmed, cole and copper need to get to the vet. what was jesse's weight today? did i pay the hydro? the phone bill? and those bastards at terrasen? and when do i get back that freaking $500 deposit from when i broke my ankle and forgot their stupid bill? is there gas in my car? is it going to rain all freaking day and what is the weather like for tomorrow cuz i want to re-seed the bottom pasture? should i put the horses coats on, where did dexter take his coat off? has carly had her coat washed in recent history? and is she leaking less urine by the way? did washington and hook eat today and who was coming to visit when? and did i answer that email or not? and when was the last time i checked the phone messages?
it is no freaking wonder i piss off so many people, who can function even remotely well with all of that crap in their brain.
it is so beautiful there susan, i spent every lunch break in angels rest, one of the few places on earth i found utter peace.
my daughter once asked if i thought it was weird that i worked in human palliative care and with dying animals too? someone else told me that their partner was a little creeped out that i surrounded myself with death.
but for me it is life's biggest, most important battle...that struggle to win an ending with dignity and feeling loved. at angels rest, all battles are finished, all struggles are laid to rest. there is nothing to fix and nothing to fight for, there is just the peaceful memory of those animals that used to exist.
it is a good place.
take a very deep breath there for me susan. it is utterly pure and clean.